tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post4787816947483544220..comments2023-08-05T07:19:13.900-07:00Comments on Missing Maxie: Only The Good Die YoungAbby Levisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15748394086960661826noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post-19818334499556568262012-07-28T20:21:27.493-07:002012-07-28T20:21:27.493-07:00Abby, I'm always concerned about my girls, I h...Abby, I'm always concerned about my girls, I have become better at not waking them up during the night just because they are sleeping deeply. Like Susan said to people what happen in ou case with Jayden is so rare ( a freak accident) that doesn't have a chance to be repeated. I in other hand feel we will be the lucky ones it will happen to. So we are still in the terrify phase, slightly better sleeping. I'm sure every emotion and feeling you have is completely normal. We are so happy the baby Mo Is so good. And I'm sure the next few appointments will help. Love, Kirajkbrumbaugh@gmail.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post-12612828971642310012012-07-28T14:52:35.695-07:002012-07-28T14:52:35.695-07:00Here Abby, I just came across this article that is...Here Abby, I just came across this article that is not totally related to your most recent post but I thought you would be interested:<br /><br />Love XX<br /><br /><br />http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/Zonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post-36099774500259480882012-07-28T08:25:01.282-07:002012-07-28T08:25:01.282-07:00I agree with Susan. After Jude died I was consume...I agree with Susan. After Jude died I was consumed with fear that Isla would too. It almost seemed impossible to me that she wouldn't. <br />I have recovered from that fear and in fact I've eased up on my worrying about her compared to how I felt before Jude died. I think the fact that I tried to protect them from cars, strangers and preventable accidents and he was taken by something I'd never heard of made me realise that I can't control everything. I still risk-assess every move but I'm not paralysed by fear anymore.<br />I'm sure that I'll feel the same as you once this baby arrives and I'll have to try to surrender again or I'll drive myself crazy. We are living a different kind of life now aren't we? <br />One step at a time. XFionanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post-53464887285042729062012-07-28T06:14:32.541-07:002012-07-28T06:14:32.541-07:00I have given the issue about how others can be so ...I have given the issue about how others can be so "unworried" lots of thought, and I have a theory - not sure if it will help your thinking, but here goes. It is simple. Other people interpret Catherine's death as a "freak event" that will not happen again. Indeed, when I express alarm that Miss M might catch chicken pox, they quickly become agitated with me. After all, they accepted Catherine's death a long while ago - it was a freak event, and it won't happen again. Most people's experience is of children suffering with chicken pox is that they get better, and human beings are notoriously poor at assessing very high and very low probabilities. That is why people are happy to play the lottery, even though there is practically no chance you will win. Effectively, most people reduce the possibility of a traumatic low risk event, like dying on a plane, or being in a fatal car crash, or whatever to zero - I suppose it is a tactic for dealing with life. It makes our fears seem impossible, which is jolly comforting for everyone else. <br /><br />Our perspectives are very different. Our realiity is that healthy children just die. Rationally I know that Miss M has a jolly good chance of making to 101 years old, but your perspective on risk changes an awful lot when your child has died. And we are obviously sensitised around the "risks" that killed our children, and sometimes our friend's children. I am nervous of bunk beds, for example, as one of my friend's children died falling out of one in a freak accident.<br /><br />Miss M is my big worry. In the days after Catherine died, I was initially concerned about my husband. I literally expected him to drop dead, and would feel more content if he was in my line of sight so I could literally see he was still alive. Now, nearly all my fears are concentrated on Miss M., and disproportionally on preventable diseases for which there is a vacinne. I get on a plane, for example, and my fears would be around catching something from the air circulating, rather than the plane crashing. I tend not to worry about my husband at all, even though logically, he (at 50) is at far greater risk of strokes, heart disease and cancer - and is therefore much more likely to keel over than Miss M - esp now she is 1. <br /><br />So I suppose others' lack of concern for our precious new babies simply reflects the way we feel about things which we haven't been sensitised to. <br /><br />By the by, I also find it easier to do for other people's children. When my friend's kids got chicken pox after Catherine died, I absolutely felt that there was no possibility that they would die. I truly expected them to recover, which they did. I know I wouldnt' feel like that if Miss M got it.<br /><br /><br />The "OMG Max died" moment is something I recognise too. They are something I didn't get at all in the beginning, but get maybe once or twice a week now. I think in the beginning, Catheirne's death was always at the top of my mind. As my life has become more normal, and as more pleasure has crept into it - I think you can get these sudden... I suppose it feels like the world crashing in - and you can't beleive that life is going on normally. Sometimes they come with a helping of guilt - sometimes not. It is shit - but I do think they indicate that you are recovering.<br /><br />Much love to you Abby - I am so glad that Morris has had a clean bill of health. That is good to know. xxSusan Irelandnoreply@blogger.com