tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post7781909948933079247..comments2023-08-05T07:19:13.900-07:00Comments on Missing Maxie: TiredAbby Levisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15748394086960661826noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post-39912107296787784092012-08-22T00:21:14.005-07:002012-08-22T00:21:14.005-07:00Oh Abby - if you didn't live somewhere so darn...Oh Abby - if you didn't live somewhere so darned inconvenient I would be on the doorstep with a coffee and walnut cake to give you a big hug. I get it. I remember feeling like this. People would say.. oh, you have a new baby... as though that was a big factor in my emotional well-being... and I would stare at them, dumb-founded. My daughter died. It was like they had forgotten.<br /><br /><br />A year down the line, I think it is gradually sinking in that people really don't get it. They don't know what to say. Or I am accepting that they going to be crap, and any amount of anguished pleading, screaming or howling at them on my part makes not a jot of difference. I don't really understand why they can't do it. I suppose It is just that the experience of losing a child isn't accessible to them - they really can't imagine it. I am pretty sure - would bet my bottom dollar - that most people you know aren't thinking - poor Abby, she lost her baby - they are thinking - wow, they have a lovely new baby Mo - that must make her happy.<br /><br /><br />I suppose the bottom line is that no one is effected by the death of our children as much as us. Other people always seem to be racing ahead from where I'm at in my grief. Of course you are happy Mo is here, and you take great joy in him... they just can't take on board how deep your continuing grief is. This is a huge period of adjustment for you and your husband - now that the first year is up, and Mo is here, other people will rush into thinking normal service is reassumed - and that your raw pain is over. In reality, this second year is painful too - you will need to decide how your new family is going to work - how to tackle family celebrations, religious festivities etc. And all the while, people around you will now be assuming that you're having a whale of a time, and nothing is difficult about it.<br /><br /><br />Just know you can do this xx<br /><br /><br />PS As you are feeling tired - not sure how practical this is - but I found going to a country for a week where I didn't speak the language very helpful when I was in your place. We went to Italy - Rome and the mountains and the Amalfi Coast - the Italians love babies - so that was great - but what was wonderful was, my Italian extends to thank you, goodbye and the like. No one could really ask us questions. It was warm and restful. Everyone smiled at us, and told us Madeleine was bella bella. It felt so good to be in the sunshine, surrounded by happy, accepting people, and there were no possiblity of being intruded upon. Just a thought xSusannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post-23780208021701565992012-08-21T20:22:18.108-07:002012-08-21T20:22:18.108-07:00I'm sorry, Abby. Thinking of you. xxxoooI'm sorry, Abby. Thinking of you. xxxoooKimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-823549861851853736.post-70353300528278190092012-08-21T13:55:31.345-07:002012-08-21T13:55:31.345-07:00My heart is literally aching for you. No words jus...My heart is literally aching for you. No words just a big *hug*thegirls3https://www.blogger.com/profile/05122092095302761482noreply@blogger.com