Maxie's Daddy

I needed to take a pause to write about the most wonderful person I know, my husband.  I waited for him to come into my life for what felt like an eternity but I am forever grateful.  Knowing what I know now, I realize that the wait made it even sweeter when I found him and probably helped me to appreciate him even more than I would have otherwise.  I first met Ted in 1996 in Israel.  His sister, Beth, was one of my best friends on Kibbutz Mishmar Hasharon, near Natanya, where we were part of a program that I don't think exists any longer called "Project Oren".  After the program, Beth and I and several of the other friends we made stayed in Israel and lived in various parts of the country.  I moved up to Haifa and Beth stayed on the kibbutz for a while.  We decided to take a trip to the Sinai and she invited her younger brother, who was studying abroad in Italy, to join us.  He was almost as handsome then as he is now. Almost.  He was as much my type then as he is now, which is funny because the type has changed.  Certain obvious qualities were the same - he is tall, dark brown hair, muscular, dark skin, big beautiful smile with twinkling eyes.  In 1996, Ted had long hair and a more detached type of coolness.  CRUSH - CITY!  Of course, nothing at all happened on the trip, not even any flirtation, because the way I acted interacted with the guys I liked in 1996 was to completely ignore them (actually, that was pretty much the way I acted with guys I liked always, not just in 1996).  Alas, not an awesome tactic.  We definitely had good times on that trip though.  I remember very clearly going to the Dahab Disco, listening to Ben Harper, drinking Egyptian beer and playing Truth or Dare - a very tame game I should say, since Beth and Ted were brother and sister, right?  The dares were like "I dare you to run down to the beach, get in the water with all of your clothes on and come back and strut your stuff on the dance floor."

Beth and I kept in touch for a few years after Israel.  Every time I saw her, I asked about Ted.  I remember admitting that I had had a small crush on him while we were in Egypt and her telling me about his girlfriends and also saying that he probably wasn't in the right place for a relationship.  I think he was a serial monogamist though, so not sure.  Ten years later, I ran into Beth at the NY wedding shower of our mutual friend, Joslyn, whom Beth and I had both kept in touch with (and love very much).  At the time, I was living in Brooklyn and working on a contract for 6 months in Manhattan.  I was so excited to reconnect with Beth.  She is the most down to earth, easy to get along with, fun and funny chick.  Sadly, I was moving back to Los Angeles a few weeks later.  I asked Beth about Ted (as always) and she told me that he was living in San Diego, finishing up architectural school.  This time, she got a little knowing look in her eye and said with a sly smile, "I think this would be a good time to fix you two up".  Actually, she got really excited about the idea.  I said that sure, I was up for it, but pretty much figured it was just talk.  I couldn't imagine that he would actually drive up from SD to LA to meet a girl.  But, 2 months later, he did just that.  He said he had to come to LA anyway for a job interview and we decided to go on a little hike.  I was living at home with my mother to save some money.  He warned me ahead of time that he didn't look the same as he did when we first met.  So, I didn't know what that was going to mean.  When he walked up the driveway, I saw a tall, clean-cut, handsome guy in shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops.  I saw his same beautiful smile but much warmer now.  I know now that he thought it was funny that I was wearing workout pants, a tank top and sneakers - we were going on a hike afterall.  He didn't think it looked like I was dressed to go on a date.  I thought getting all-dolled up for a day in the outdoors would seem like I was trying too hard.  We hiked through Fryman Canyon and talked the whole time.  We decided then to go to the Cat and the Fiddle and get a beer.  Afterward, he said he didn't really need to get back for anything too quick, so we took a walk around the Hollywood reservoir.  It was on this last walk that we really bonded - over a mutual love of R&B music.  It was totally refreshing and different than any other date I had been on just because we seemed so alike.  He dropped me back at my mother's house and I gave him a quick hug and jumped out of the car.  By the way, there was no job interview.  That night, I left on a trip to Costa Rica for a week with girlfriends and a few days later, he went home to CT for a month for his sister's wedding.  We kept in touch through emails, calls and texts the whole time.  I didn't want to get too excited but I couldn't help it.  He was too good to be true.

I had a dream last night that Ted had been diagnosed with some weird disease and had only a few weeks left.  We had to figure out how we would spend every last minute we had with each other and we tried to make sure that we had the appropriate balance of fun and meaningful time with friends, family and each other.  Just writing this, breaks my heart.  He is my most favorite person, my grounding love.  He is handsome, hilarious, artistic, smart, SO handy, ambitious, optimistic, sexy and committed.  I cannot imagine going through this terrible period with anyone else but Ted and it hurts me deeply to see him in pain.  He knows me better than anyone ever has.  He assures me that we will be happy again.  That we will have more children, that we will always carry Maxie in our hearts, that we will walk down this road together and find some relief on the other side of this pain.