I can't say that Ted and I would have ever chosen to have two children nine months apart or three under the age of three. Don't get me wrong, of course we are grateful and excited. I just don't think this timing would have been the plan - had we actually "planned" it.

You may remember that we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year. We had also been hoping to adopt during that period. We were thrilled to find out last April that we'd been matched with a family for adoption, and had I actually brought Myla home from Georgia after she was born, I'm sure we would have stopped trying to get pregnant naturally.

But I didn't get to come home with Myla. We felt defeated and crushed and frankly, more determined than ever to get pregnant. Within a week I had an appointment with a wonderful fertility specialist (ask me if you are interested in knowing who). She identified a small irregularity in my ovulation cycle and I took a few weeks of herbs that seemed to correct the issue. Either that or it was just luck that had me pregnant within a month of Myla's birth. It turned out that by the time she finally came to live with us in July, I was already pregnant. Having had a few miscarriages, I didn't really know whether this pregnancy would stick or not - but, obviously, it has! 

You often hear about the couple that tried and tried and tried to get pregnant naturally and finally did, right after they adopted. People like to attribute this phenomenon to a sudden lack of stress around the pregnancy issue. This is not our story. I can honestly say that my stress levels surrounding the issue increased after returning home from Georgia empty handed. I partly want to tell you that in case you are beating yourself up over being stressed about not getting pregnant. As my doctor has always said: women manage to get pregnant during war, genocide and famine. Stop beating yourself up.

We are very, very excited about our new arrival. We can't wait to see his little face, hug him and hold him. But, I'd be lying to you if I didn't mention that it's also pretty daunting! Mo is in preschool, we have a nanny, and I will be out on maternity leave. Of course we will manage - but it's still kind of daunting. 

We may not have chosen this timing but if things hadn't happened exactly the way they did, we wouldn't be looking forward to another little boy this next week. We may not be looking forward to this exact little boy. I don't believe that "everything happens for a reason" anymore since losing Max. But in this case, things happened so that one more baby boy could join our family and so that my two little sweet peas would have another friend for life, to play with, confide in, share with (hopefully - eventually) and love. I know these guys won't complain, and even if I do - I wouldn't have it any other way.


Tiffany said...

congrats again! can't wait to see Maxie's newest sibling.

robyn said...

yes, it's gonna be crazy, but it's also gonna be fun and amazing. I can't wait to see (and hopefully meet soon) the newest little man in the leviss clan. love to you all!

Seeing Each Day said...

I'd be worried if you weren't feeling daunted! Especially as you've had so much happening with the house and moving etc. it must feel so 'strange' for want of a much better word, in that you have been through so many, MANY, different realities and 'looks' in the last few years which has resulted in incredible highs and shockingly devastating lows. But now for the next while when you're traversing through the grocery store or at the local playground, all you're constantly going to hear is 'you've got your hands full' or other similar comments and you'll most likely want to say, but probably not say is 'if you only knew...'

Abby Leviss said...

Yes! Exactly! I WANT full hands....so what I am saying really is that even though the "timing wasn't perfect" in a superficial way - it has been more than. Perfect in a "divine way". If I had gotten pregnant before last April, we probably wouldn't have Myla and if we had come home with Myla in May, we probably wouldn't have another baby on the way. So, even though it's a little scary - I wouldn't want it any other way. Each one of these kids is perfect in every way.