Mo had his one year pediatrician visit yesterday. He measured 31 1/4 inches long and 22 pounds. He is in the 90th percentile for height and the 50th for weight. We've moved him onto milk from formula and it seemed it be a smooth transition....until yesterday, when his doctor suggested we start giving him his milk from a sippy cup. Mo loves drinking water from his sippy cup, so I figured this would be easy. I was wrong. He just spits it out.  This morning, I gave him his milk in a sippy cup and he spit it out. Then I switched it to a bottle and he drank it all up. Same liquid, different cup, different reaction? Makes very little sense...except for when I think about how much more I enjoy my beer in a chilled pint glass than I would having to drink it out of a room temperature ceramic mug.  So, this is my question - is it important that he not drink from a bottle? Is it just because other parents will judge me for having an over one year old who still drinks from a bottle? (I am fairly certain they'd find another reason to judge me even if I nipped this in the bud).  Should I just keep at it? What's the story?


Here is a little peak at Mo's first birthday cake.  It was so completely awesome!  it was everything I hoped that seeing my baby eat cake would be.

Teddy's reunion

We spent the weekend in Connecticut so we could go to Ted's High School Reunion on Friday night, and also visit with Ted's family, and have a birthday party for Mo with our East Coast friends.  We had talked about the possibility of attending the reunion months ago but Ted thought it might be too hard or weird - seeing people that he hasn't seen in so long, having to update them about his life in short form (ie- What are you doing?  Are you married?  Do you guys have any kids?  How many?), then getting into an uncomfortable conversation with apathetic listeners about our Maxie.  He had pretty much decided against going.

Then, he found out that a bunch of his best friends would be there and that the
"official reunion" had been cancelled.  Instead, people would just be meeting at a bar on the water that he liked.  It sounded much less formal and he decided that he wanted to go too. I think that was really brave.  I am not sure if I ever want to go to another one of my high school reunions and there were only 50 something girls in my class.  Ted's class had over 400 people in it. 

I am so glad that we decided to go.  Ted was apparently really well-liked in high school.  Most people recognized Teddy and came over to him to give him big hugs and talk to him.  People kept telling me how much they love him, how friendly he always was in high school and my personal favorite - How he just "wasn't an a**hole".  I kept hearing how "Everyone loves Teddy!".  One woman even told me how HOT she thought Ted was looking!  I loved it.  Ted looked like he was having the time of his life.

And - I think most people knew about our loss.  I am sure not everyone did but there were a lot of people who told us how sorry they were to hear about Max.  One of Ted's friends said he was so sorry to bring it up because he didn't want me to have to think about it.  "I am never not thinking about it". I told him.  I liked that he brought it up.  I met a woman in line for the bathroom who said how much she loves my husband and mother-in-law.  Then she told me how beautiful our boys are and that of course she knew about what had happened to Maxie and how sorry she was.  I even met a few of my blog readers!  It was nice to be able to be ourselves.

These are the only two photos I have from the evening, taken by Ted's classmate, Kirstin:
 Jeff and Teddy

 Kirstin and Abby

My oldest friend, Sigalle, moved to Fairfield, CT from LA last year, and was my date to the reunion.  She is an awesome sport.  We had a really good time.  We were waved to from across the bar and approached by graduates of the class of 93 who weren't sure if they remembered us or not.  We heard lots of people's stories and tried to help the nervous attendees take the edge off.  We spent most of the night laughing.  It was really a lot of fun.

I am not at all surprised about how well liked Teddy is and was.  He is an outstanding human being - warm, caring, friendly, funny and totally not an a**hole!  I love you Teddy!!!!  And I really enjoyed your high school reunion too!


I've been composing a post in my head for some time now. The title of the post would be "sporadic" and in it, I would tell you that I would no longer be posting everyday. I would only be posting sporadically moving forward. 

Last week Ted and I were talking about how soon I would be posting about our visit to the cemetery and I assured him that I wasn't planning on blogging everyday for much longer. I thought he would be happy to hear that. He has always supported my writing about our experience but I figured he was getting sick of my sharing so much. I was surprised when instead, he said, "You can't stop blogging now".  
"Yes I can", I said.
"But you've gone on for so long"
"And now I will stop. I will still blog, just not every day."
"You can't stop now!", he repeated.  "I look forward to reading it every day".

So there you go. For now, I am going to keep posting. 

Cover it up



Mo's NEW new thing is to cover up his other "new thing". We call it "the vampire" or we simply say, "cover it up". 


I am not super spontaneous though I was at one time in my life. I am definitely still adventurous. But I am not spur of the moment so much. I research stuff pretty heavily before I jump in. It's connected to my unwillingness to break rules. I am a little "Type A". 

I have been planning a tattoo for a long time. A momma monkey carrying her baby with Maxie's name and an infinity sign. Ive been trying to find the right artist at the right place who could do it at the right time. Have I mentioned that I am also not really a "tattoo girl"? I like them on other people but they've never been for me.

On Sunday as we sat at Maxie's burial spot, I knew it was time. I spontaneously decided we'd just go wherever was close and that what I really wanted was a lot more simple than my original plan. Who needs all of the questions people would ask me anyway? I've been avoiding questions for two years.  But I needed this tattoo, because you can't see how much pain I am in by looking at me. There is no physical manifestation. I haven't lost a limb or any of my motor skills or senses - even if it might feel like I have. This tattoo is a reminder to me and those who love me that Max is always with me, that a part of my heart will be eternally missing, and that I will love him and continue searching for him for all of eternity. 

Ted had seen a tattoo parlor near our house and the three of us drove there after visiting Max on Sunday. Ted said it was the most spontaneous thing he'd ever seen me do. He reminded me that I'd be looking at this for the rest of my life. Since losing Max, there is nothing I cannot carry for the rest of my life. The truth is that it wasn't really all that spontaneous. In fact, it has been a long time coming. Two years - feels like an eternity without him already.


Did I already tell you that Mo gives kisses now?  He mostly just presses his lips against mine.  Usually the kisses are kind of wet.  Sometimes they are open-mouthed.  Sometimes, we will be sitting together reading or watching television and he will just look at me, lean over, and plant one on me and then go back to whatever he was doing.  His kisses are often unexpected and they are always AWESOME.

I'm so lucky he is mine!


As I told you, Mo has been babbling a lot of words that sound like "Momma" in the past couple of months. "Mom", "Momma", "Mamamamamama", and even the very occasional "Mommy". It could easily be taken as plain old baby talk - without real meaning BUT it sure seems to come up whenever I am around, he is fussy or hurt, or I leave the room. I have been thinking more lately that there is likely intention in his babble.  Obviously, it shoots me over the moon. I couldn't wait for crawling but to hear "Mommy" will send me straight to heaven.

There have been some doubters in the bunch, including Teddy. Whenever I point out Mo's nearly saying of my name, Ted chuckles a little.  Maybe he thinks it's cute that I have convinced myself of the nonsense. Whenever he's having his own Mo time though, I hear him saying, "Dadadada...can you say Dadda?"

Then Monday, it happened. Mo looked right at Ted and said "Da" and then "Dadda". Ted's eyes lit up! "Can you say Daddy?", he said. "Daddy!", Mo said right back! Teds smile said it all! It made him so happy! And it made me happy to see him so happy.  

It's pretty interesting how quickly he moved over to the "it isn't just babble" team.  

12 MONTHS OLD!!!!!

I cannot tell you how long we've been waiting to have a one year old in our home (well, actually, I can!)

Morris Lee Leviss is twelve months old today.  One year ago, this little boy came into our lives and literally saved us.  We had no joy.  There was no light.  And then he arrived and brought back smiles, laughter, and happiness.  He is an angel.  We ADORE him!

Mo at twelve months is so awesome.  He is crawling, pulling himself up to stand, and laughing so much.  He does a new thing with his hands - sucking on his right hand fingers and covering it up with his left arm (pictures to come).  He says variations on "momma" and "daddy" (more on that later). He loves animals, his doggies, reading (especially "Trashy Town"), and watching "Pajanimals". His favorite food is avocado and he LOVES drinking water out of his sippy cup.  He is most interested in crawling directly for, and exploring dangerous things, like wires, air vents, dog mouths, and any crack he can find.  He keeps two overprotective, anxious parents on their toes constantly!

We love you MORRIS!  You are perfect in every way!

And, NOW, for the long awaited 12 month photo sequence!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Boy!

Maxie's Candles

We love you all so much! Thank you for keeping Maxie in your hearts.