A comforting change of scenery

Monday, April 16, 2012

I went away all weekend with my mom and my Auntie Alison.  Part of me hesitates to tell you where I've been, even though I am not really embarrassed.  In fact, it was a really moving and inspirational weekend.  So much more than I ever thought it would be.  I was at a gathering in Phoenix of several hundred bereaved individuals - many who had lost spouses, parents and mostly children.  People just like me who were searching for answers, looking for comfort and wanting to make a connection - to our loved ones, to other people like ourselves.  I halfway expected a group of really new agey, kind of "out there", flakey space-cadets who I would have nothing in common with.  Instead, I met people from all walks of life.  People who are very intelligent, from varied religious and cultural background, from all over the US and Canada.  I connected to a lot of wonderful people.  We met over meals, in workshops, in between presentations.  Where did we go, you ask?  Well, we went to the International Afterlife Communication Conference and I am so glad we did.

Now, I fully understand that the subject is taboo.  I get it that it goes against your religious beliefs (though, those of you with the strongest beliefs DO believe in an afterlife, so I am not quite sure I get it).  But, it doesn't really matter what you believe in and I am certainly not going to try and convert you because I don't know what I believe in.  I am a skeptic, to the core....wish I wasn't actually.  It would probably calm my spirit if I could stop questioning.  In fact, the conference was filled with skeptics.  If we just believed - we wouldn't have been there.  You think I am going to tell you wild stories of messages from beyond but what I am really going to tell you is that when you have lost a child, you have to believe in something.  You have to believe that you will be with that child again.  And, whether it is Buddhism, or Judaism or Christianity that gives you that hope and comfort shouldn't really matter (that is my opinion obviously but I will tell you, there were many religions represented in the room).  What matters to us is that we continue to be parents to the person or people (because there were parents there who lost more than one child) whom we love the most.  Sadly, there were people there who had been ostracized by their religious communities for seeking to connect to their children.  I can tell you that I would sacrifice every friend and family member I have for the opportunity to connect with Max again.  It's simple.  He is my whole heart and soul and I know every other parent there feels exactly as I do.

Hands down, the greatest part of this weekend was meeting other bereaved parents.  It felt different than the grief groups that Ted and I have attended as well.  I think it was because it was a whole weekend.  In a grief group meeting, you generally go around the room with a set agenda.  First each individual or couple introduces themselves and tells the story of their child's death.  Then, if there is time, there is usually a topic of discussion.  I am not saying it isn't helpful.  It is always wonderful to connect with other parents experiencing loss.  But, it takes several months to start making real connections.  At this conference, we shared meals, we sat in on sessions together, we watched people get really accurate affirmations of their loved ones presence in their lives and then we connected.  We connected over coffees in the lobby, over lunches on the back patio, at the vendors tables, during dinner.  We learned the stories about how each of us lost our children, but we also learned about each other and got to know more about the children and who they were before they died.  Our children are not just the stories of their passing - they are the beautiful people who made us smile and filled our hearts and homes with love before they passed.

Now, I am not going to pretend like there weren't some unusual characters there.  When the three of us signed up, we thought - if nothing else, it is sure to be great people watching.  There were some interactions that I will be laughing about for a long time.  When we first arrived and went to register, a wild eyed woman stopped us at the entrance to the conference area and desperately asked us where the popcorn and margaritas were.  She looked frantic.  She as wearing flowing new age gear, her hair was untamed, and she was right in our faces.  "Pardon?", one of us asked.  "I really could go for some popcorn and margaritas", she replied.  "Who couldn't?", we replied and then kept walking, all three of us working hard to suppress the laughter bubbling inside.  I guess this is what I signed up for, I thought.  We then got into an elevator with a group of people wearing tags from the event and asked them how things were going (we skipped the first optional day), "We just came from a session where we were all taken into a past life regression", one man replied.  When we got to our room, I thought, this will be interesting....but I never expected to find so much comfort.  The comfort really came from the attendees, most of whom were not wild eyed, new agey, flowy clothed or unusual at all.  Most attendees were just like me, people whose normal lives had been devastated by loss and who are living in the midst of deep grief.

For the first time in nine months, my story didn't repel people.  It drew them to me and I was drawn to them as well.  I met so many lovely people who felt rejected by their communities because their child was murdered or died by suicide or because they hadn't "gotten over it yet".  When someone spoke about her beautiful daughter who was murdered, I wanted to hold her hand and tell her how unfair it was.  We met the sweetest family who lost their 14 year old son to an impulsive suicide (he got caught doing something "bad" and didn't want to get in trouble).  Their pain was so palpable...I can't get them out of my mind.  The mom shared her son's photos and he was darling.  She described him as such a loving child too.  My heart is so broken for our loss of Maxie but it breaks every time I meet someone else who has to live with this pain.

Our very best session had nothing to do with the afterlife at all....it was a session on surviving grief.  The facilitator, Glenda Pearson, has lost a son herself and though she has a lot of work left to do (because all bereaved parents do), she has come up with useful tools to cope.  The environment was safe and loving.  She started off by having us make a list of hurtful things people say to us.  Do you know how many of the things I have shared were on the list?  All of them: -You can always have more children (or the spousal loss equivalent - you are young, you can always remarry).
- Aren't you over this yet?
- He is in a better place
Etc...  Our facilitator had come up with some good "come backs" over time.  I need to get more from her but the one she mentioned was her come back for "Aren't you over this yet?"....her response is, "I would be if it was your child."  Ouch.  I wonder if I would be strong enough to hurt someone so deliberately with that one (it did make me laugh).  It wouldn't hurt them any less than their comment hurts me - they just refuse to acknowledge that their comment is hurtful.

I know that there are some of you who are actually interested in the afterlife stuff that impressed us.  It WAS impressive.  There were mediums and psychics and grief counselors, people who have had Near Death Experiences and have received afterlife communications. There were also many doctors neurosurgeons and cardiologists - individuals whose science backgrounds kept them skeptical but whose real-life experiences with patients wouldn't allow them to ignore the possibilities.  Hands down the most amazing person at the whole conference was a well-known medium named John Holland.  Have you ever watched a famous medium on television pick out random people from the audience and then wondered if they were planted?  I have.  Holland read in front of the group of about 300 people twice over the weekend.  He knew details that he didn't glean from conversations.  In fact, he was very shy and hardly interacted with anyone other than the organizers while he was there.  But, he would start talking to someone and know everything about their lives.  He knew about a woman's husband who had lost half of each of his feet to diabetes - that this man drove a Lincoln, smoked a cigar, had given her a ridiculously large diamond, had special swimming flippers made for him.  There is no way he "cold read" her.  She looked like a normal middle class older woman.  She was sitting at the back corner of the ballroom.  He picked out a couple who had lost an eight year old boy - he knew that the boy had been cremated, that he died at the same time as his grandpa (in a car accident), that the urn was in his room and surrounded by toy soldiers and that he had drawn pictures all over the bottom part of the walls that were still there.  He knew that the father had torn a rotator cuff.  This was not a visible injury and it was one that had mostly healed.  They were so obviously astounded by what they heard and confirmed it all to be accurate. I could actually go on and on.  He just knew.  I sat with some of the folks who were read by him and they couldn't believe what they had heard.  They were people like me, who wanted information and affirmation.  They didn't plant themselves.  They hoped to be picked during the presentations and they were the lucky ones who were. There was a breakout session with one of the conference organizers, Mark Ireland, and a well known medium, Tina Powers.  I learned about the conference when I happened upon Mark's website months ago.  After his son, Brandon, passed some years ago, he went on a personal quest to find answers and visited many mediums.  His best reading had come from Tina.  She walked around a smaller room to give messages to folks.  She stopped by our seats to let us know that Marilyn (my grandma) says hello, that she knows we have her rings and then validated that it was her by telling us how much she loved Musicals.....which she did.  There were many, many stories like this from throughout the conference and even though Max came through several times, I am still a skeptic.  I hope to get over that soon but I know that I will always be a searcher.  I think that I hope to be the first mom to go over to "the other side" and bring my kid back.  In the meantime, I met a wonderful woman who, along with Mark Ireland and others is starting a new grief group for seekers like me: www.helpingparentsheal.info.  There is no group yet in LA, but as soon as there is, I will be there.
Oh ya, and I should mention that the three of us met with a medium on our own.  I went first and then my mom and aunt went after me.  He didn't know we were together.  Maxie was the first person to show up for both readings.  He came through as his sweet and adorable self.  My heart was pumping.  If you are curious and want to know more, I am happy to tell you. I've got nothing to hide really.  If you believe me, great.  If you don't, try not to judge me.  I am just a broken mommy, looking for her baby, and doing the very best I can with each day I have to get through before I get to be with him again.

42 comments:

Lesley said...

I would love to know of your experience and the readings with the medium. I am not a skeptic and believe whole heartedly, and am afraid to go to one because of what I may hear (regarding my mother's passing). If you're up to sharing, please do.

Ronja said...

I have been reading your Blog for a while now and just want to tell you how very sorry I feel for your loss. It is really hard to imagine what you have to go through. Your Maxie is so beautiful and your love for him so obvious through every word you write. He is so loved. I didn't want to comment because I really didn't know what to say that could be helpful, but I just realized that nothing could be anyways, but it might Meran something to you that Maxie is remembered all over the World (I am from Germany).

Have you read this article? http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Feb-26-Sun-2006/living/5987837.html

Wishing

Becca said...

I'm like Mulder from the X-Files - "I Want to Believe." I have a very spiritual/tuned-in mom and a very very scientific/atheistic dad. I have a little bit of both of them....or actually a lot of both of them. I'd LOVE to know more about your experiences if you're willing to share.

Egreeno said...

I also want to hear more about the readings!

Anniefrederick said...

Abby, you know I believe in this stuff. I know how much you want to connect with your beautiful boy, I am happy he came through in the readings. I am so sorry you have to go to these things though, it is not fair that you have to live without your Maxie. I would be interested in hearing more about your weekend. I would also like to hear more about Maxie. The tree planting video brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could go there and plant some trees in his honor. Maybe someday I will go there and take a nap under the shade of one of his trees.
I love you so much. Xo

Mama2three said...

hugs to u all, I am also on this search as my 4.5mth son Maxx was stolen by SIDS when he was 4.5mths on on 12th July 2008, he was mama's heart n soul baby and life without him is shattering....bless u all....

Anonymous said...

I don't know you all but I just wanted to say your story touched my heart. I have a 4.5 month old son and a 6 yr old boy, I have anxiety very bad and the day my youngest was born I knew very little about sids until the nurses told us we could not sleep with him in the bed. My heart goes out to u and your family! I would not worry about what other people think on how you try and connect with your beloved angel baby. He is yours and no one else's, please tell us more about your story and thank you for sharing.

Celia said...

Abby, I met you and your Aunt briefly after Glenda Pearson's session at the conference on Saturday. It saddened me to learn of your loss of little Maxie. Please continue blogging and remember we are all here for you.

I too lost my 32 year old son to a bus accident in SE Utah in '08. Not a day goes by that I'm not missing him. We understand how you are feeling.

Take care xoxo

Celia
Helping Parents Heal

Tania said...

Bless your heart for sharing your story. xx

Karen said...

I want to thank you for sharing your story with us.
I have just finished reading what you have written, and wish I could have been there.... our son Zachary, became an angel on september 17th / 2007. He was almost 7 years old. I have been to a medium, and it really truly did help. I also went through grief counselling, and grief groups...but having a medium tell me things she could never have known...it was truly amazing.

Lenie_pama said...

sorry for your loss

Glenda said...

Abby it was a pleasure connecting with you at the conference! I know it's just the beginning ;). Loved your blog. Many Blessings...Glenda

Sonia said...

Abby, I'm so glad you had some positive experiences. I too want to hear more on the mediums. In case you didnt already know it, you are an amazing writer. Just felt the need to say that. I think about you and Maxie every day. I pray they hurry up and invent time travel so you can go back in time and see him. Is that crazy? Maybe, but I've thought it each time I've said a little prayer for you all. It's so unfair that you have to go through this. Maxie is so beautiful, I wish he was still with you x

Sheryl Hill said...

God Bless Maxie's glorious soul.

My sixteen year old son, Tyler, died a preventable death on a People to People Student Ambassador trip to Japan. I will never 'get over' his death. It hurts. Always. There are cool balms I use to soothe the pain. Much like you - writing or journaling.

I want to share with you that I did reach across and bring my son home. Many others have too. NO medium required. I underwent EMDR - eye movement desensitization reprocessing for PTSD. Licensed psychologists like Rachelle Wright, are instigating after death communications using EMDR to soothe grief. I was possibly one of the first patients to experience an IADC and write about it (www.walkingonsunshine.org )

It was glorious. Seeing him bigger than life, in a transparent glow like a heavenly hologram and hearing from him where to find evidence to answer my 'why' questions. Our wrongful death attorney told me that after decades of law practice, he is no longer surprised by these experiences.

Taboo? The old testament says mediums and spiritists should be put to death. I grew up in a Bible thumping family. I felt other-worldy, a bit out of my body, and exuberant to have had this opportunity to reconnect with my son. Still do.

My psychologist did not think I was out of mind, indeed she said I was blessed. And I am. No one calls the disciples spiritists and mediums because they spoke to a deceased Christ. Why? Because 'he lives'. Our children who have shed the body that clothed their souls also live. When we speak to them, we are not speaking 'to the dead'. They thrive.

Our loved ones cannot find us when we are shrouded in a fog of grief so thick that light cannot penetrate it.

I love LOVE Dr. Craig Hogan and his works: http://youreternalself.com/drhogan2.htm

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed only transformed. We restart heart beats with electricity. Since Tyler's death I have been blessed by many, many beautiful merkabah - soul light bodies - or angel/spirit orbs. I know, I know, every day I live I am closer to where he is. It's a short life. I can do it - meaningfully.

I helped with the After Death Conference e-presence. Very rewarding to read how it soothed your soul.

Shine Maxie and Tyler Shine! Our light shines forever in the next place that we go.

Blessings.

Sharee said...

I'm a skeptic but can't take my eyes away from shows like Lisa williams, life among the dead or long island medium. The thought of it is so fascinating to me. I would love to hear more.

Robyn said...

Sounds like an interesting and fascinating weekend and I'm glad you got an opportunity to experience it and be with others who truely understand and feel your loss and pain.

I would also be very interested in hearing of your experience with the medium. You told me about a few of your other experiences and I am so intrigued by their knowledge and what they are able to share with you.

I think of you, Ted, max and baby m often and am sending love your way.

Xo. Robyn

Mslabella said...

I also want to hear about your medium experience

Jenny Romanowski said...

Abby there is so much out there yet to be learned! I am a skeptic as well. When I was a little girl I always had a deal with my grandma that she would come back and tell me if heaven had a sun. Well she passed away in my arms at 93 years old. I waited for months for her to give me a sign. Than when I gave up all hope I had a dream of the most beautiful sunset I could have ever imagined in my dream there was a song almost being hummed of cuddle up a little closer that she alway sang to me and I to her during her passing. Now my husband would tell me dreams are nice but no matter what anyone said the dream made me feel good and that's all that mattered. So what ever we believe it's better than not believing at all. I would love to hear all the details of your experience. I think it is amazingly beautiful if you and Max have the chance to connect while you are seperated. I wish you all the strength in your journey and I am humbled I can share in such a personal aspect of someone's life. I wish you so much blessing with the arrival of baby M. I'm sending you all the good energy I can! Many thoughts and prayers for you Max, Ted and your new little baby M!

Eileenmarie said...

I just came across your blog after reading John Holland's link on his FB page. He too helped me and is my favorite medium, not that I go stalking mediums. :) Anyway.........wow I have to say you are brave and I want to say all the right things not the wrong ones. I have not lost a child so I do not know your pain nor will I pretend to but my in my gut deep I feel like crying with you. I am so impressed (if that is the right word) that you are blogging and sharing your pain with others that need it probably more than you know. I enjoy your writing style, you have a great warm way of connecting to the reader. I wish you and your husband the best when your 2nd bundle of joy arrives! I will be back to read your blog.
All the best!!
EileenMarie

Nancy said...

Came across your blog on John's FB page. My heart goes out to you. I lost my son almost 7 yrs. ago. He was 30 and had 3 little girls and a wonderful wife. Mediums have given me the peace I would never have had if I had not learned about them. John is the best!

Alicia said...

Dear Maxi's Mom,
John Holland posted the link to your blog on Facebook today. Today marks 2 years since the death of my 21 year old, Ryan David Smith. A senseless death, caused by drunk driving. One 21 year old boy in jail, the other in Heaven.

Doobes30 said...

Have read your blog after reading John Hollands facebook page - I am so glad that you connected to your little Max.....i personally believe in a continum of energy and the way that energy is presented doesn't matter...ie - human form or etheric form. It's all about love, and this little soul came to you with love and is still with you in love....xxx

Doobes30 said...

I just need to say that I didn't mean to take anything away from your grieving by the previous post, I am deeply affected by your loss and I am very sorry to hear about dear little Max's departure from this dimension....much love to all of you xxxx

maxiesmommy said...

No offense taken. Thank you for your comment.

Mercedes Calderon said...

I send you my love and blessings . You are a brave woman and know that this is the beginning of the rest of your life. Tragedies such as yours involve one soul making the ultimate sacrifice for the soul growth of another or others (as in mass deaths). It is Maxie's gift to his parents, and as time goes by and you pour your immense grief out onto the world through his blog, you (he) will have impacted so many lives. My mother passed away when I had just turned 17. Exactly one month later, to the hour, she appeared to me in her "light body". She asked me to touch her. I remember feeling fear as I told her that she was dead, to which she replied with an outstretched hand....."I LIVE". For the next 15 years she came to me in my dreams. We would travel together to various universes, studying with many Masters and many Mystery Schools. I would wake up drenched in the most sublime Divne Love. It is the gift of lifetimes, and I stand humbled by her sacrifice for me and my spiritual growth. Bless you and if you would like to come along on my journey as I embark on a blog just begun called Themysticnextdoor.blogspot.com I would be honored. We all have our stories to tell and your dear sweet precious son lives on in all our hearts through your sharing the pain of your loss. I celebrate Maxie's life!

maxiesmommy said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss Alicia. It is a truly senseless death. Thank you for sharing Ryan with us and I wish you the strength to get through this particularly difficult day (in addition to all of the other difficult days). XOXO - Abby

maxiesmommy said...

I am so sorry that you lost your son and that his family lost a husband and daddy. I am glad to hear that you have also found some peace in the idea of being reunited with him again. I am slowly finding some peace in the idea as well. Lots of love to you - Abby

maxiesmommy said...

Sheryl - this is totally fascinating. I'd love to connect with you off line. EMDR was recommended to me to help me deal with my post-traumatic stress. It'd sure be nice to "kill two birds with one stone" and meet up with my Maxie again. I had a pretty vivid experience with Max and my grandpa during a hypnotherapy session. My grandpa was holding Maxie and taking good care of him. He has come back to visit me a few more times through various readings and dreams. You can reach me at teddyabby at gmail dot com. Thank you for sharing - XOXO - Abby

maxiesmommy said...

Thank you for your comments Karen. I am so so sorry for the loss of little Zachary. What a sweet age. How horrible to have lost him at that time (not that there is ever a time that isn't horrible, obviously). My heart goes out to you. I like hearing about other parents who have found comfort the way I have. Love, Abby

maxiesmommy said...

Hi Celia,
I remember you. Your son was on the ski bus. I remember your story. I am so sorry and I know you MUST miss him every day. I saw you are part of the "Helping Parents Heal" group in Arizona. It sounds like a wonderful group of people - everyone I met was really lovely. Thank you for visiting my blog and reaching out to me. XOXO - Abby

maxiesmommy said...

Life without our babies IS SO shattering. I am so sorry for the loss of your Maxx. Babies should be with their mommies. Lots of love, Abby

Michelle said...

Dear maxiesmommy,

My beautiful, accomplished daughter died a little over two years ago at the age of 24. 24 hours after she died she came to me. I was just awake at 5:30am and just fully realizing that it was my first morning without her and was inconsolable when she came in and then I was talking with an ancient, wise, powerful, deeply compassionate soul that was also very much my daughter. We "talked" for 10-15 minutes and in that time she made me smile and even laugh! At one point my arm flew back over my head and came up with her blankie, which I didn't even know was in my bed. She made a comment about something that I'd never known she'd done with it and when I looked it was there, I was so shocked that I burst out laughing....that would have been her goal. I'm sure that she fought hard to come back and let me know that she's alright. I now know, from the bottom of my heart, that my daughter is not only great but she is great in a way that I could never articulate with our limited vocabulary. That said, I WANT HER BACK. That is my mantra, and it probably will be until the day that I die. Before this experience I had had others, which I blew off, I was a skeptic or at least too cool to be fooled.

I would like to encourage you to see a good, solid EMDR therapist if you have PTSD. I did about 6 months ago and it is a phenomenal therapy--not to be able to "see" Maxie but to help you process the grief. It really helps to reconcile the physical and emotional manifestations of that grief and the very real trauma of your loss. I am able to "talk" again with my beloved daughter during EMDR, and that was a very nice surprise. That's not why I went, I went because I literally felt "shattered" by her death. I no longer feel that "shattered" feeling, it really helped. It is a powerful tool.

A very wise and powerful religious leader (huge congregation in California) once, years ago, said to me while we were taking a long walk, "Electricity never dies, it goes somewhere. That is the spark of us." Shakespeare said it even better, "There is more under Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than is thought of in your philosophy." If it is a "religious" person that is making you feel somehow "wrong" about wanting to connect with Maxie I would only say that Jesus was a very spiritual man that was rebelling against HIS organized religion and their dogma. He was very much NOT a "religious" man, but a "spiritual" man. What we don't know is about a trillion times as much as what we do know. Please, please, please don't let any small minded person make you feel bad about what you think or feel. I am older than you, you are probably closer to my daughter's age than mine. Age has its benefits: I really DON'T care what people think. It is very freeing and the remarkable thing is that once you don't care what people think you will draw wonderful, deep thinking, kind and compassionate people towards you. Your life will be enriched, your family's life will be enriched by living an authentic life.

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your adorable Maxie. You're right: as bad as I feel I also feel pain for any other who has felt this pain. Forgive the clueless their stupid remarks but do not keep people who refuse to understand the seismic hit that you have had around you. They are toxic. Not only are they disrespecting you but they are disrespecting Maxie. The pain of losing a child is beyond anyone's comprehension. Would that we had no comprehension...

Olivia's Mom (aka Michelle)

maxiesmommy said...

Hi Michelle,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wonderful daughter, Olivia. I am so very sure that you want her back! It is a feeling that is impossible to escape. Not sure I even want to escape it.

Nobody is actually making me feel bad and I am not embarrassed. Out of respect to other people's beliefs, however, I don't want to be pushy with what I am seeking because I do have a lot of deeply religious people in my life and I don't want to offend them. That being said, though I have never been deeply religious myself, they have always respected me and vice versa. I am actually very connected to my Judaism, but in a very secular way. I want to continue to connect to people to don't share my interest in seeking "the other side" without turning them off but I am not really worried about being judged, if that makes sense. I am so glad to hear that you were able to connect with your daughter through EMDR. If you know of any good practitioners in Los Angeles, please let me know. Lots of love,
Abby

Jon-Jon's mom said...

I applaud you for your blog!!! I did the exact same thing after my 22 year old son passed away suddenly in January 2009!! I also went to a medium who help me connect with my son!! I also went to see John Holland at a group event....he was AMAZING! I didn't get a personal reading, but others in the audience did. I have read ALL his books!! Dr. Brian Weiss is another author who has helped me on this journey...Many Lives, Many Masters. Yes there is judgement sometimes about the unconventional way we choose to connect with our children...but it is just that....our choice, our grief, and ultimately our healing so we can live our lives on this planet with as much joy, as is possible after such a tragedy. We will see our children again, and when we meet..I want my son to say.."Mom, I am so proud of you and your strength and how you fought and continued live and be a light for others who have suffered, and you had every right to lay down and die when I did...but you didn't!"

I am very curious to hear about your session!!!

Julsmith333 said...

Our daughter, Claudia passed over in 2001 at 13 months old. I did EMDR and energy work to help me work 'faster' thru the greif process. Both were incredibly helpful. I then went to see John Holland for a personal reading which was truly amazing and confirming. I knew along that Claudia remained with us and John confirmed everything and more! She continues to be a huge part of our family and remains in our everyday conversations, discussions and life.
One of my biggest concerns, after her passing, was the worry that my older two children ( aged 5 and 3) at the time, would be forever destroyed at the loss of their sister. I involved them and my husband in all the therapies, books & discussions I was doing. They absorbed the understanding of the after life with ease, they too have personal connections with Claudia and continue to ask her for guidance in their everyday life. I have learned first hand how resilient children are and am proud to say they have turned out to be two very compassionate, grounded, mentally healthy young adults. I couldn't be prouder of them.
We were also blessed to have a 4th child, born a week before the anniversary of Claudia's passing. Claudia proved to be instrumental in the delivery of our 4th and although they had not been on this side together, I know they were connected on the other side before her birth.
I too know that this life is quick, and I will be with Claudia again, upon my passing. I use to want that to happen sooner rather than later, but do not feel that way anymore. We continue to learn of life lessons and realize the 'school of life' is hard, but that there are many amazing lessons to continue to learn. Claudia was lucky that she fulfilled her life lessons early, and moved on to the glorious after life. We know it was not easy for her to leave, but she will always be with us. We have special guidance and protection and feel lucky to have this connection.
We have processed alot over the years, If I can be of any help to a family experiencing a new loss, please let me know. Julsmith333 at gmail dot com

Doctordarlene said...

My husband lost a daughter in a very bad car accident years ago . It was a terrible thing to watch this poor man grieve the loss of his only child . Not to mention she was beautiful and in the prime of her life . Due to being divorced from her mother for many years prior to this , we never knew any details of her accident .. Until we wnt on a cruise with psychic John Holland . Just like you my husband wa sa skeptic . But was also seeking closure about his loss. John brouhgt her through and he got the closure he needed . john knew all the details and finally we knew what happened to her . I am not a skeptic . I have known for many years there was more out there than we understand . But to hear confirmation from his daughter that she was OK and "it did not hurt ": was all we needed for that long awaited closure. trust that your child is OK and you will be with him again someday . I can truthfully say we both know how you feel . I hope you gained some comfort from your experience . I know we did ! Bless you and your family !

Glenda said...

Abby, love your blog (or did I tell you that already). So glad you came to the conference so glad we met. Still trying to catch up with myself ;). Keep in touch as you are able. Blessings. Glenda

Bbbprincess said...

Just wanted to leave a note that I loved your blog:) I have not lost a child but due to my work I meet many parents who do. I hear all the time about the mean things people say even when they don't intend it to be that way, I guess its just their natural reaction to the situation but it is hurtful regardless. But please please please don't doubt what you experienced as it is true I know that their energy is still there as your son's energy really can not die, I know its true as having these parents tell me stories about what they have experienced they are all very similar but they don't know that I hear these stories over and over. I know nothing can ever mend your heart but it is nice you are seeking your son's energy other ways:) keep believing and don't listen to people who have not had this horror happen to them!

susie said...

Thank you for sharing this. I could just kick myself for not going. I live in Tucson, but still the money was a factor for me. It is just so comforting to hear opinions of other moms and how they feel. I will grieve forever for the loss of my son and I'm tired of feeling guilty damn it. You are in my heart little Maxie with love, and if you see a handsome man that may tease you and make you laugh, that would be my son Damen.

Phil said...

I just want you to know that your posting moved me. I landed on your blog having clicked the link on Michael Prescott's blog. I hadn't realised, until I arrived at your site, that you lost a son to SIDS. We lost our son, Paddy, to SIDS 20 years ago. As someone who has therefore had to deal with some of the same things as you, I just want you to send you and your husband and family my love and best wishes. Also, thanks for a very interesting posting. Like you, I'm a natural-born sceptic. That said, after quite a few years of developing a reasonable degree of expertise re afterlife phenomena, I now believe that the only rational response to these phenomena is to accept them as real, That's because, iif you want to deny their reality, you just have to fly in the face of so much compelling evidence, and so much clear testimony from sane and honest people.

Again, thanks for an interesting account of your visit to Phoenix. I send you all my love and support.

maxiesmommy said...

Hi Phil,
I'd like to hear more about Paddy and about you have dealt with the loss over the last twenty years, if you are up for it. teddyabby at gmail dot com. Otherwise, thank you for your comment and I am so sorry that you lost Paddy. I am really glad to hear that your skeptic mind was turned around. I am praying that mine is too someday.

Glenda said...

You are a very gifted writer...keep journaling and watch what unfolds...it was a pleasure chatting with you and I look forward to more tea times soon. Remember today is the present and in it you will find the gift...thanks for bringing the heart felt light of honesty through your writings~blessings Glenda

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