Roll call!!!:
Mace 11 months
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Macie turned 11 months old yesterday. He's very grown up! He loves eating with his fingers & making yummy noises while he does, he is the best crawler I've nearly ever seen, and he is just so cute! Everyone adores this baby!
New Resolution
Monday, January 11, 2016
Don't assume that you and I feel the same way about life: about pregnancy, birth, or death, or the emotions surrounding watching children grow up, We don't necessarily feel the same about what constitutes a tragedy or even what is worth making a big deal, being dramatic or arguing about. Life looks a whole lot different to me today than it did four and a half years ago.
Trust me - Life looks drastically different to me than it does to you.
I don't care about a lot of the stuff that I was once passionate about and I really don't want to argue with you - about politics, about religion, about manners, or grammar or anything really. I do not care about any of it. Sometimes I tell you what I think you want to hear - just because I am avoiding conflict. I have no energy for it. It's the same reason that I laugh when I think you are trying to be cute. I nod and smile but I am dying inside. I'm wrecked and still trying to figure out how to maintain the very delicate equilibrium of my newly reconstructed life.
It isn't your fault that my child died - of COURSE it isn't - but it is your fault if you responded to that tragedy in a less than kind way. No, you "cannot understand" what it is like to lose a child, but you CAN take responsibility for the way you treat other people in the face of their struggle. I have lived through hell. My idiosyncrasies have been informed by my experience and I am terribly sorry if you don't have patience for them - or for my being sensitive (especially on the subject of the child I lost and the intense grief I feel surrounding his absence). I can only imagine what you've been through in this life that has made you want to bully a bereaved parent.
This year I am resolving to work hard on a new resolution, which I hope will become a new habit and way of life for me. The mantra I keep repeating to myself is: "Just because you acted insensitively or said something inappropriate/mean-spirited/ or offensive, doesn't mean that I have to react." It occurs to me that you are possibly behaving the way you are because I am an easy target and it makes you feel good to make me feel bad. I feel bad enough without your trying to get under my skin.
Sometimes all of the noise is more than I can bear. I won't make time or space for those who don't make time and space for me anymore. All you will get from me is a smile and a nod. I'm not really listening and I don't really care. Find another victim. I am done.
Trust me - Life looks drastically different to me than it does to you.
I don't care about a lot of the stuff that I was once passionate about and I really don't want to argue with you - about politics, about religion, about manners, or grammar or anything really. I do not care about any of it. Sometimes I tell you what I think you want to hear - just because I am avoiding conflict. I have no energy for it. It's the same reason that I laugh when I think you are trying to be cute. I nod and smile but I am dying inside. I'm wrecked and still trying to figure out how to maintain the very delicate equilibrium of my newly reconstructed life.
It isn't your fault that my child died - of COURSE it isn't - but it is your fault if you responded to that tragedy in a less than kind way. No, you "cannot understand" what it is like to lose a child, but you CAN take responsibility for the way you treat other people in the face of their struggle. I have lived through hell. My idiosyncrasies have been informed by my experience and I am terribly sorry if you don't have patience for them - or for my being sensitive (especially on the subject of the child I lost and the intense grief I feel surrounding his absence). I can only imagine what you've been through in this life that has made you want to bully a bereaved parent.
This year I am resolving to work hard on a new resolution, which I hope will become a new habit and way of life for me. The mantra I keep repeating to myself is: "Just because you acted insensitively or said something inappropriate/mean-spirited/ or offensive, doesn't mean that I have to react." It occurs to me that you are possibly behaving the way you are because I am an easy target and it makes you feel good to make me feel bad. I feel bad enough without your trying to get under my skin.
Sometimes all of the noise is more than I can bear. I won't make time or space for those who don't make time and space for me anymore. All you will get from me is a smile and a nod. I'm not really listening and I don't really care. Find another victim. I am done.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)