I know that you know

I know that you know that my son died. I'm not sure if someone told you, or you googled me or you read it someplace. But, I know that you know. 

I know because I've seen it before. I know how people act when they know: We met, you were super friendly, I was too. We laughed, compared superficial stories ("I have three kids at home, you have two, our family just moved, blah, blah, blah..."). We talked about a future play date or coffee.... And then suddenly - you stopped staying hello, stopped smiling at me, avoided me whenever possible. 

 A part of me wonders if I said something awkward but the more honest part of me knows - - - knows that you know.  Knows that you know my son died and that now you can't be nice anymore because I'm scary. 

The truth is - it's ok. It is an easy way for me to know whether I really want to get to know you too. But, I guess I still just wanted to let you know that I know you know. And - that I'm not ashamed...because I loved him, and I still love him, completely. And that's more important to me than you are or ever will be or could be to me.

1 comment

Susan said...

Idiots everywhere.

I still get it wrong too - that bit when you over-share, y'know - and tell someone who really can't handle it.

I know anyway... I REALLY know... and you're always welcome at mine for a playdate and chocolate cake xx