Angels and Heaven and Butterflies (Oh My!)

A little conversation got started in one of my online bereaved parents groups.  The conversation is about the flowery language that people use around the death of a child - angels and butterflies and heaven and somehow it is all wistful and beautiful and fluffy. 

It does not comfort us. 

Because, here is the truth - I think all that stuff probably resonates with the people who know the family and are looking for comfort for themselves but it (generally speaking) does NOT resonate with those of us who have actually lost our child. 

My child died.  He died.  It is the darkest, thorniest, most awful, sickening thing I could have imagined happening ever in my entire life.  It has left a void in my heart that is bleeding all of the time.  It has turned my world upside down completely.  There is nothing fluffy about any of it at all.

Maxie's death feels the opposite of rainbows and angels and heaven.  It feels like blackness and hell and the devil. There is nothing sweet or lovely about it.  It is complete and absolute sh*t.

Just thought I'd put it out there. 


jessica said...

It falls in to the "at least" category for me. Or the "better place" category. There is no better place, no at least and it is most certainly not about butterflies, angels, and fluffy stuff. I know that I'm not a bereaved parent but I very dearly love two people that are and I love Maxie, their beautiful baby. I can't imagine that any of the fluffy, flowery talk could bring you comfort or peace, or thinking that it would. I am sorry that the absolute worst thing happened to you, Ted and Maxie. It is unfair, tragic and awful. I wish that I had words or phrases to comfort you but there are none. All that I can say is that I love you and your boys and that I think of your Maxie with love every single day. xo

GrahamForeverInMyHeart said...

Very insightful. I have never understood all the angel/butterfly stuff. As you say, there is no comfort whatsoever in it.