Subject: Great photo of Max

Yesterday, Ted got this email from his good friend John:

Subject: Great photo of Max

Hey Teddio!

Going through my phone clearing out pics and came across this great pic of you guys with Max at the Venice Garden Tour. Wanted to get this to you. 
Hope you had a great weekend!

Ted forwarded me the message
Subj: Great photo of Max

I wrote back:
I miss him so much. This picture is beautiful

He wrote:
We used to be so happy

Me again:
We will be again

Usually it is Ted reassuring me that we will be happy again.  Sometimes it just seems impossible that we will ever be happy like that (see photo above) again.

I remember the day well.  Feeding Maxie his "yammies" at John's apartment before the tour, taking turns with Ted going into the houses on the early part of the tour while Max slept in his stroller, nursing him on a curb outside a very cute one story home with a small pond, Ted carrying him in the Baby Bjorn for the second half of the tour, stopping at a gourmet catering truck for lunch.  Something that I thought, "would be different and fun thing to do" at the time is now one of my most precious everything we did during the short nine and a half months that Maxie lived.  All of the "ordinary" moments (changing diapers, breastfeeding, reading to my baby) are now sacred....the out of the ordinary experiences are the memories that we cling to.  It's so unreal.  It is so hard to imagine ever being that happy again.  In the meantime, we take turns assuring each other (and ourselves) that it is coming.  But, when?


Bianca said...

What a beautiful picture. I hope that there are longer and longer periods of the lightness and contentedness you had then, and I think there will be. I agree with your grief counselor that you are right where you are supposed to be in terms of your grief. I can hear your pain and how much you miss your precious boy and I am so sorry Maxie is not in your arms. He will always be beloved and missed by the world.

Lali G said...

My heart aches for you Abby!! It is so unfair Maxie is no longer with you guys!... Squeeze Mo's cheeks for me please :)

Tiffany said...

yes, all those "ordinary" yet sacred moments. i have many of them too. we all used to be such happy carefree people. :(