Sunday, November 17, 2013

My dad likes to call me after he reads my especially angry sounding posts and ask me, "Who pissed you off this time?".  As if it were that easy.  My last post of the sort was not actually angry.  It was just a realization of the people who I encounter and their attitudes towards me and how I have reconciled to deal with them.  I am not angry at anyone in particular - just extremely disappointed by life.

As an example - (one of many): I reconnected with someone from my past on Facebook the other day.  He wasn't a good friend really, but was sort of on the periphery of a group of friends that I had when I lived in Israel.  He is Israeli (not that it matters).  Anyway, we were sort of IM'ing off and on over an hour or so in the middle of the day.  A line here, two lines there.  He told me he was living in Holland, divorced and that he had a four year old daughter and was missing home.  I didn't say much about myself but said that his daughter looked very cute (she does) and that I can imagine that he misses home - I miss his home and it isn't even mine.  Then he said that he thought the photo of me with my family was really nice.  I thanked him.  I am not sure then why I decided to share Max with him - probably because I knew I wouldn't have to see his face while he received the information.  I said, "The last few years have been hard.  Our oldest son stopped breathing while he was at daycare at nine and a half months.  We lost him over two years ago and it hurts every minute of every day.  Our second son, Mo was born a year later and he is so wonderful".  There was no response for a few minutes and then, "hope you are ok!! must work talk later bye bye". 

I un-Friended him.  This is why I'd rather NOT share Max with just anyone.  It is a disservice to his specialness.  It forces me to look at people and see who they truly are and I'd rather wear my rose colored glasses most of the time.  I hate that people are so disappointing.  I really hate it.


GrahamForeverInMyHeart said...

Yup. It's amazing how insensitive and cold some people can be. You're right, it's very disappointing.

Anonymous said...

Reading this made me SO angry, I cannot even tell you. And I am just someone who found your blog. I know I don't know you personally but through your writing you share yourself & your precious boys. It is absolutely unreal to me that anyone could respond in such a way when hearing about your precious Max. Absolutely ridiculous. You have a right to be very angry about that insensitive jerk. I feel angry for you!! I am sorry that anyone you come into contact with could be like that. Please know there are strangers like me who think about your sweet Max & remember him. And we send positive thoughts and prayers to you, your husband, and Mo.

Hannah said...

That's awful :(

I had the opposite - I wrote to commiserate someone on their loss (of an adult sibling - I lost my adult sibling some years ago, so thought I would offer support) and never heard a squeak!

It sounds like your acquaintance just can't face the 'embarrassment' of talking to a bereaved numa about the loss of her baby son.. xx

Anonymous said...

Don't you think that's very typical of a male response? Sorry to all the wonderful male responses I've seen in your posts, but most men have trouble handling situations that makes them feel uncomfortable. I don't think he meant to be hurtful, but he just had no clue what or how to respond to you. I'm surprised he even answered. Not too mature. At first, I was angered by the "well got to go to work" part of his response but after thinking about it I thought he probably feels bad about how he responded too. Just didn't know how.

Maxie's Mommy said...

I agree - he just didn't know how to respond. Most people don't and he is just one example of an almost daily inability for people to respond to me. I am not angry - just disappointed. And, to be honest, it is really, really lonely to be the person that nobody knows how to talk to - even if I can understand WHY they don't know how to talk to me.

TamaraL said...

I'm so sorry. People disappoint me all the time, and my standards really aren't that high. In your case...I just can't even imagine the disappointment. I feel like a pretty compassionate person, but sometimes I just can't find the right things to people.

I read your blog often because I love hearing stories of Maxie...and I grieve your loss with you. I am so sorry that shining light has been taken from you. But readers like me will always remember him, through you!

Tiffany said...

that's the reason i have such a hard time sharing that with people too. i'm just so afraid they will let me down. that response was so unfeeling. no "i'm so sorry to hear that"?

i'm sorry you had to deal with that.

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