Recalling my previous statement

Here is the thing.  I do believe that parenting is the hardest job, contrary to what I said before.  I know that it is hard for a number of reasons that no other kind of job could ever be....most especially because you are responsible for the most important person (people) who ever lived - your kid(s).  That is a lot of pressure.  The decisions you make could and will determine the course of their lives.  I know that parenting is the hardest job.  It's just that sometimes, I can't bear hearing people talk about it.  It hurts my ears.  As do a bunch of other things people like to agonize about.

I often can't handle listening to people whirl themselves into a tizzy about small stuff.  I'm not saying I haven't done it - I have done it many, many times.  It just feels like a luxury now.  I think I am oddly jealous.  I miss the simplicity of my former life.  I miss getting all worked up about stuff that could be fixed.  When I let myself go there now, I feel really ridiculous afterward.  I am not sure that I deserve that indulgence.

Same goes for the whole "parenting is the hardest job" business.  I have lost my little boy.  I miss him all of the time.  I spend all of my spare time reading grief blogs and books and talking to other bereaved parents.  I don't think I get to indulge in this whole "parenting is the hardest job" thing.  I mostly just feel grateful to have a second child.  When I let myself go there, I usually wish I could take it back.  The hardest part of parenting is knowing that you could lose your child - that has already happened to me and I am 100% positive that grieving is MUCH harder work than parenting EVER could be.

All this to say - YES parenting is so hard.  I KNOW it gets harder in some ways as they get older.  I KNOW it gets harder when there are more kids to parent (my cousins Ben and Jenny have FIVE kids.  That sounds pretty hard to me.)  I KNOW all of this but it just isn't my reality today and I am PRAYING (literally) that I get to know this hard business in the future.  I think I've kind of become that old grandpa who had to "walk 10 miles through the snow to get to school and back every day".  I don't want to be that guy.  I know it is all relative.  My hardships are not yours and yours are not mine.

So, I am sorry to all of the parents who know that their job is the hardest.  It is....and you are doing a good job.  I woke up last night thinking "Why did I write that about parenting?  It IS hard."  My apologies.  I hope you didn't get all worked up about it.


Susan said...

I find it really irritating when people tell you that parenting is the hardest job - er... no, it's not even a job at all...

Raising children isn't a means to an end - something you do to pay the mortage - it is the whole point of being alive. You put a lot of effort into it because it's sort of the point of being around.

People moaning about happy, healthy children - yup - they piss me off too. I suppose part of it is ENVY. How I wish my big problem was that my child woke me up a few times in the night - instead of never again. However, in absolute terms, people moan to blinking much. I never moaned that much when C was alive and my life was rosy :(

Anonymous said...

I think parenting a second child after loss of a child is hardest, because there is always a big layer of FEAR. I don't even know if I can have the confidence to have another child, I am so terrified of what if fail again. I know I will be a helicopter mother for sure if we do have another child.

Susan said...

Hello Anonymous x

Be afraid, but feel the fear and do it anyway. The big challenge for a mother who has another child after their child has died is having to do so in the full knowledge of what could happen again. However the benefits are immense. The only thing worse for be than having my second daughter would have been not having her. Pregnancy is horrible, but as time passes your fear should subside. My second child is 2 years old now, and most of the time my demons are well under check. Huge hug to you xx

Maxie's Mommy said...

Agreed Susan! My pregnancy with Mo was really really hard emotionally. I was scared out of my mind. And, I WAS a helicopter mom for the first nine months of his life but now that he is 16 months old, I don't worry all of the time. Somehow I have found the fIth to trust that he will be alright. He is the very best thing in my life- my angel, my hero. I am grateful that I went through the fear to have him every day! I'm obsessed. He saved our lives.

Jayden's Mommy said...

We always knew we wanted 4 children. After loosing our third child, our first boy. I became so terrify of my older girls safety. I would wake them up in the middle of the night I was so afraid they will stop breathing. However, even with all of that the best advice I received was to jump into it, to have another baby. I'm so happy today that we took that advice. Kyle has saved us. We have a reason to be alive again. And we know one day he will have his brother. Many hugs to you. And I'm sorry.