Sporadic

Monday, November 11, 2013

And here it is....

As time goes on, I want to share less and less.  Those who have made an effort to understand have an understanding.  Those who don't - don't.  I will keep on writing, but I don't feel the need to write here every day anymore.  It is part of the softening of grief I guess.  Everything feels a little less urgent AND it all feels a lot more private.

I want to continue sharing Max with you and I want to continue sharing this journey as well.  I remember checking the blogs I read every single morning for the first two years after losing Max.  It was part of the many rituals I established for myself that helped get me through.  I have no idea if I am part of someone else's ritual but I do know that other parents who've lost do check in with me from time to time and I hope that my words have helped and will continue to help them.  I know that hearing from them helps me.

During this past week of vacationing, I felt strongly about sharing my good times here so that someone else who thinks that they will never smile again will know that it is possible.  It is not only possible but also likely.  At first the smiles and laughs come with guilt but I have to admit that I just take the really good laughs for what they are now most of the time and leave them at that.  Sometimes life is just funny - so funny, in fact, that you forget to over-think it and you just laugh.

Anyway, I am not really going anywhere - just planning to take some days off here and there.  Let's face it - I am getting kind of repetitive - which is unavoidable because the missing, longing and regret hasn't really gone anywhere. You'll be hearing from me - just a little more sporadically. 


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am the one checking the blogs I read (including yours) first thing every single morning now and it is actually the only motivation for me to get out of the bed every morning.

"I felt strongly about sharing my good times here so that someone else who thinks that they will never smile again will know that it is possible." I like to know that, and I like to see the happy things you are sharing on the blog. That's the hope I need to let me get through each day. Thank you for your blogging.

Em said...

There must be something about that two year mark softening things because I have very similar feelings as you right now...

GrahamForeverInMyHeart said...

I check your blog every day.

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