Freezing Time

"They grow up too fast!"

"I wish they would stay this age forever!"

"Babyhood is gone in an instant!"

As one whose baby never made it past nine and a half months, please believe me when I tell you - you don't want the clock to stop right now while they are this perfect age (whatever age that might be).  It is SUCH a blessing that your child continues to grow up at this unbelievable rate! 

The last year and a half of Mo's life has been a blur.  He HAS grown up so fast.  He is so much more of a toddler than a little boy.  And, if there is any part of me that "misses" his being a baby, I've suppressed it.  I am overjoyed that he wakes up every morning looking a little more mature.  I am overjoyed that he wakes up every morning. Period.

I have another baby who will remain nine months forever and it kills me every second of every single day.  I will never know what Max would be like at Mo's age.  I will never send him off the preschool or kindergarten.  He will never graduate grade school, or high school or college.  These are things that you "know" but that I feel deep inside my bones.  These are the things that dwell in the all of the empty spots of my brain and my heart that tell me that each moment of my child's life needs to be appreciated for what it exactly is.  Each period of each of my children's lives has been perfect.

Today Mo is one day older and Max is not.  Today Mo is older than his big brother.  Can someone please explain to me where the justice in that is?

He's growing up so fast and I couldn't be happier about it


Jayden's Mommy said...

I feel it inside my bones as well. Kyle turn one last Thursday and it would be two years tomorrow since Jayden stop breathing. It's so painful to see his sisters and brother become so grown up and they are always missing him. I'm sorry Abby there is no justice. It's cometely unfair. Much love to your family. Kira.

Egreeno said...

There is no justice! It's the most unjust cruel thing I've known a person to live with. I'm so sorry Abby, it's not right!

Leslie K. said...

So sorry Abbs. The missing must be excruciating. And seeing Mo grow and change must be joyous and heartbreaking at the same time. Thanks for always speaking from your heart.

Em said...

When people say those things to me I often say that yes, if you're lucky they do grow up so fast...I hate those off the cuff remarks about kids staying little forever. I WANT my kids to grow up! Not that I want to wish away babyhood but I want them to grow up. I know you know what I mean.

Taryn said...

It's too easy to get lost in the past (or even in the future) while the miracles of the present slip through our fingers almost unnoticed. You remind me to celebrate the life that TODAY brings--moment by moment. This life seems to run on fast-forward most days, leaving us, in the quiet moments desperate to rewind to the beautiful parts we all but missed along the way! Thank you for the reminder to enjoy every second we get with our loved ones!

I am so sorry time was stolen from you and your sweet Maxie! It is just so horribly unfair and heartbreaking!