Sporadic

And here it is....

As time goes on, I want to share less and less.  Those who have made an effort to understand have an understanding.  Those who don't - don't.  I will keep on writing, but I don't feel the need to write here every day anymore.  It is part of the softening of grief I guess.  Everything feels a little less urgent AND it all feels a lot more private.

I want to continue sharing Max with you and I want to continue sharing this journey as well.  I remember checking the blogs I read every single morning for the first two years after losing Max.  It was part of the many rituals I established for myself that helped get me through.  I have no idea if I am part of someone else's ritual but I do know that other parents who've lost do check in with me from time to time and I hope that my words have helped and will continue to help them.  I know that hearing from them helps me.

During this past week of vacationing, I felt strongly about sharing my good times here so that someone else who thinks that they will never smile again will know that it is possible.  It is not only possible but also likely.  At first the smiles and laughs come with guilt but I have to admit that I just take the really good laughs for what they are now most of the time and leave them at that.  Sometimes life is just funny - so funny, in fact, that you forget to over-think it and you just laugh.

Anyway, I am not really going anywhere - just planning to take some days off here and there.  Let's face it - I am getting kind of repetitive - which is unavoidable because the missing, longing and regret hasn't really gone anywhere. You'll be hearing from me - just a little more sporadically.