Thursday, October 31, 2013
I spent most of yesterday in tears. I could not stop crying. Sometimes the grief and disappointment is so overwhelming that I don't know how I will get through one more minute of it, let alone a whole day, let alone the rest of my life. On days like that, I am just counting down the hours until I get to go to sleep. Thankfully, they don't happen quite as often anymore. They remind me of my life as it was every day for the first year plus after losing Maxie. It was horrific. Still is - I'm just much more skilled at hiding it. I think the fertility question might have pushed me over the edge. I'm feeling just a little bit better today- though still finding it hard to manage getting out of bed. I never ever imagined my life would be this hard.
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I think all the time how unreal it is that Maxie is not there with you How sad and unfair it is and how I cannot even imagine the pain you are in or how you get through it at all. This shouldn't happen to anyone as all children are beautiful but there was something particularly special about Max. So special that I find myself thinking about him though I never had the joy of meeting him. I know there are no words that can offer the kind of comfort you need so all I offer is a virtual hug. SQUEEZE!!!
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