First time moms

I am not a first time mom. Mo isn't the first of my babies.  This time around, I didn't consult a bunch of books, I didn't stress about breastfeeding, I don't worry that he is getting every ounce of iron he needs. 

I haven't been doing all of these things this time around, but it isn't because Mo is my second child.  I don't over read, or over worry, or smug-out about how I feed or diaper or which method of mothering I am using because I know that none of it matters.

I know that no matter how much I read, how long I breastfeed, how much food I make at home, what kind of diaper or cleaning product I use - it doesn't make a difference. I was a more "perfect" mother to Max. He didn't watch tv, he ate almost exclusively home made foods and drank almost exclusively breast milk. We used sign language with Max more and I read a whole load of books that told me how to parent, nourish his physical and emotional health, and prevent SiDS. 

I just do what feels right now... Because I want to enjoy every moment and not stress. I want Mo's life to be fun and happy and maybe I should care more about milestones and parenting techniques. It isn't because Mo is my second child. It's because no matter how perfect I was with Max, it didn't save his life. He died despite all of my attempted perfection. Now I know how little that all matters. In fact I know that none of it matters.  That's why I parent differently than you and maybe I even feel a little smug about that.

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