I missed him more

While I was in Israel, I actually missed Max more than I missed Mo. It was hard for me to understand why and I did miss Mo like crazy - it's just that I missed Max more.  

You see - it was the first time that I'd really been away from my safety net - a net that includes Ted, our home (Maxie's home), our photos,  I could talk to Mo, or FaceTime with him, or get updates about how he was doing. The team taking care of him sent me photos and videos. I knew how he was. I could connect with him in real time.

I was thinking about and missing both of my kids but only getting updates about one. The discrepancy between living and not living was glaring and profound. And, so, I missed Max more. I missed him so much- like I always do. I thought about him so much- like I always do.  I don't know - it isn't that I love him more - I love then equally - it's just that somehow I missed him more.