My most important prayer

There is nothing like traveling around Israel on a bus full of people. Up every morning by 7 (at the latest) driving from site to site all day, spending time bonding into the wee hours and then up and at it again the next day. It's where my personal and professional feel most at peace with each other - it's the reason that I do what I do. It makes every other part of my job worth it.

Israel is somehow part of the fiber of my being - the good, the bad, the ugly. I love her like you love a person - flaws and all. Today we head to Jerusalem - a sacred city where you can actually feel the footsteps of history: King David, Solomon and even Jesus feel present, their spirits whispering by, brushing your shoulders on their way past you. The air feels more holy, or at least a whole lot more interesting. 

Tonight I will be at the Western Wall - the only remaining retaining wall of the biblical temples. According to Jewish tradition, it's the closest place to god that we can get on earth. That's pretty powerful. 

I have to put my grudge aside - because, if I'm honest, I haven't forgiven god for allowing Maxie's death. I have prayers that I still want answered - I've gotta try to keep god on my good side or win him over if I need to.  I still believe that there can be happiness. 

I am going to spend some time praying at the wall, as I've done many times in the past.  This time my prayers will be much different.  I'll be asking for more children, for happiness and health for the people I care about most.  What will be most important tonight, to me, will be my prayer to god to take good care of Maxie for me until I can get there to take care of him again myself. 


Taryn said...

You are such a beautiful soul. You, like your sweet baby, touch my heart. I know God will not hold it against you that you are so heartbroken--anger is just a lesser emotion of the immense pain you endure. You are tortured every day because of your loss. I know God knows that, and I hope you feel His compassion and love and whatever else you need from Him tonight as you stand on holy ground. I'm praying for you and sending love from an ocean away!

jessica said...

Sending you love and thinking of you, Ted, Maxie and Mo. I love you. xo