New Friends

I have made a lot of new friends since losing Maxie.  It is surprising to me because in many ways, I often feel totally unfamiliar with myself most of the time.  I am slowly recognizing myself as someone who lost a child - someone for whom "grief" is a large part of my new identity.  And yet, I've made new friends - funny, compassionate, interesting, outgoing, wonderful new friends.  If you had asked me in the first year after losing Maxie, I would have thought it impossible.

The truth is that in many ways, I am more comfortable with some of my new friends than many of my old ones.  They didn't know me before I lost Max, so they don't really care that the "old me" is gone.  They aren't waiting around for the old me to come back.  They actually like the new me - a "me" I am only now beginning to like myself.  New friends know that I had a son before Mo named Max and they accept that I talk about him, miss him, and love him.  Most of them even ask me about him and are interested in getting to know him through me.  They are comfortable with who I am - they wouldn't have become new friends with me if I made them uncomfortable.

I am growing to like and even love the person that I am becoming - the one that is emerging as my new normal.  It's nice to know that there are others who like her too.