People always tell me how losing a child is so it never happens to anyone.  I think I probably thought that too, before losing my own child.  The truth is that it is as rare as any other devastating tragedy.  During my one week trip to Israel, I spent time with four other bereaved parents.  FOUR.  I'd say that is a lot considering how few people I actually interacted with over the course of my one week stay.

The reason you think we don't exist - the reason you think we are so rare - is because we are dwelling in the margins with our loss.  We don't bring it up all of the time - there are other things going on in our lives - we try to keep it quiet so that we don't make you uncomfortable.  We also keep it quiet so that we don't have to get hit in the face with how little you care.  Half the people I traveled with have no idea I lost a child.  I am sure that even less knew about three of the other parents.

We are here.  We are among you.  We don't love our children less than you do....even the ones that are gone. We didn't ask to have these great losses.  Our beautiful children were the unlucky ones.  Sometimes I think people say that these things never happen because what they mean to say is that they don't believe it will ever happen to them.  They believe that they are more special than us somehow.  Maybe I believed that once too, but I don't anymore.  I just believe those who haven't lost are lucky.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

1 comment

Tara Prince said...

Whenever someone tells me not to worry or - that won't happen or - everything will be fine, I have to tell them please not to ever say those things to me. Being on the other side of luck is a lonely place to be. Other people truly don't get it. And who in their right mind would want to?