Devastated

It doesn't matter what grief counselor or spiritual healer or rabbi I meet with, none of them can bring back Maxie.  They are just going to help me learn to live without Max, something that I am not sure that I can or even want to do.  I am just devastated.  I have never felt so old and so young at the very same time.  So old because  I am experiencing something that I NEVER thought I would experience in my lifetime and so young because I could very well have many many years ahead of me still.  I am just beside myself.

Ted's Aunt Jan is lending us her cottage in Lake Arrowhead for the weekend.  We are just going up for the night.  Beth wrote me yesterday and told me that we should enjoy ourselves because we deserve it.  We SHOULD enjoy ourselves because we DO deserve it.  Enjoying myself sounds so foreign but I LOVE my husband and I would like to see us happy again someday.  Maybe we can take some walks and sit on the deck.  Maybe we can find some semblance of peace for a night.

Thank you Aunt Jan... Will let you know how it goes...