To be clear..

I have openly expressed my desire to have more children. To be clear, nobody will EVER take the place of my Maxie! So, please, know that it isn't reassuring to hear "get back on the horse" or that ANYTHING is "meant to be". MAX WAS MEANT TO BE! Max should be here with me now! Actually, he is supposed to be at grandma's for the weekend. Ted and I are in Catalina for our anniversary. We planned this weekend several months ago. It's so pretty. Ted's first time on the island. I want to show him all of the secrets of Catalina but I am so sad. We came here every summer when I was a kid. I ALWAYS thought I would bring my children here in the summers. Clearly, everyone thought they would. The place is crawling with families. I miss Max so much. I wish I could snuggle him again. I wish I could kiss his cheeks. I wish I could hold him. My heart is so broken! Feels impossible to move at times. More tears for Max. A lifetime of tears won't even do any justice to pain I feel.