Lucky

Friday, September 9, 2011

I got pregnant with Max on the first try.  What does that mean?  It means that I stopped taking birth control months before but that the first time that we actually TRIED, with intent, and did it on the day I knew myself to be ovulating, Max was conceived.  I remember bragging about it to Dr. Dwight, to which he responded, "Don't tell that to any of your girlfriends."  We were lucky.  I did tell my girlfriends.  Perhaps they will forgive me now.  We are not so lucky after all.  I have been lucky a lot in this life of mine.  Lucky to have had parents that loved us to the moon and beyond.  Lucky to have grown up in a beautiful neighborhood, in a big wonderful city, close to beaches and mountains.  Lucky to have known all of my grandparents.  Lucky to have been so close with them.  Lucky to have had lots and lots of fun and close cousins.  Lucky to have gone to wonderful schools, to have made the best of friends, to have traveled the world, to have a career that I love, to have the 2 most awesome and adorable dogs, and to have met my wonderful husband and convinced him to spend his life with me.  I am lucky.  I even once won dinner once a week for a full year at Koo Koo Roo.  Lucky.  Has my luck changed?  I feel like the most unlucky woman in the world.  Somehow I still feel lucky to have had my Max at all.  He was the most lucky thing that ever happened.  I felt lucky every day that I got to be his mother.  People have written me to say, "I hope you are doing ok".  Doing ok?  How could I be doing ok?  My child is gone!  I am not ok.  There is nothing OK here.  I am hanging by a thread.  Still, I have the nerve to beg the universe to make us lucky again.  To bless us with more children.  To give Max the siblings that he would have loved.  I am beginning to realize that luck runs out quicker than you think it will.  If nothing like this has happened to you, consider yourself lucky. You think you and yours will be safe forever....no such luck  Pray that we get lucky.......I'll pray for you too!
Pregnant with Max, feeling lucky and relaxing with Jake

No comments:

Blog Design by Nudge Media Design | Powered by Blogger