Missing Maxie

It was on Catalina Island that I first remember knowing that one day I wanted to be a mother. My cousin Nathan was born when I was around 19 or 20 years old. Like everyone else in my family, I fell head over heels for him and became completely obsessed. He was SO cute and he had the best personality. I just adored him. When he was under a year (though I can't remember exactly how old) we came to Catalina, as we did every summer. Natie got fussy over breakfast and I offered to take him outside and walk around with him. Up and down the beachfront drag I walked with him as people stopped to comment how cute my baby was. Several people asked if he was mine. "Yes!", I replied and they said, "He is so precious!". "Thank you!" I wasn't too young to be Nathan's mom and it thrilled me to know that people actually thought I was. I kept this up for years. I would take Natie to the movies or the beach and just steal him down a separate isle from my aunt in the drugstore so that people would think he was mine. Now he is a teenager in Portland and I doubt he would let me get away with that but it was fun while it lasted.

Max was mine! He even kind of looked like Nate. He also had a beautiful personality. I loved taking him to the supermarket where people would say, "What an adorable baby!" I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. It was so much better than I ever even imagined. The amount of love I feel for my Max is endless. It is consuming. It is the most wonderful deep love I have ever felt. I will never let go, I will never move on, I will love him for my entire lifetime. Nobody will take his place, he will always be in my heart. This shouldn't be. I should be taking him to the movies and the beach and the drugstore and beaming every time someone stops to say. "What a beautiful baby! Is he yours?"....YES, he is MINE!