A few people suggested months ago that instead of continuing to make our painful supermarket trips, that we have our groceries delivered. Honestly, most of the suggestions folks have made about most stuff over the past ten months have gone "in one ear and out the other". I have not been functioning at full speed. Ted, not knowing that the market delivery had been suggested in the past, suggested it himself last week. He said that on the East Coast everyone gets their groceries delivered. He said we need to look into it. It would change our life. He (and several of you were) was right!!!!!
The trip to the market each week is terrible. Passing the aisle with the baby food and diapers and then seeing and hearing all of the babies and children and happy families. It's honestly just hell. I know parents who have lost older children have this issue too and in many cases, they have so many aisles to "get through", seeing their children's favorite foods on the shelves. For a while, I couldn't even look at bananas. I still can't look at Greek yogurt.
If you have the service available in your area, may I suggest that you do this? Honestly - DO THIS! We did it last week and it was awesome. I get anxiety every weekend when I know that the trip to the store is coming. Also, once Baby M gets here, this service will also be great. I don't really want to lug him to the store either. I can remember several times, being in the market with Max when he just got antsy or hungry and cried through the whole trip. I had to leave the store many times to go breastfeed Max in the car to settle him down. While even those memories are sweet to be honest, I will be glad to not have to be bothered with the trip with Maxie's little brother.
2 comments
It does get easier. 2 years down the line, I don't find shopping hard any more. There are still times when something will really distress me - like shoes she would have loved - but you get these triggers anyway, don't you? Be careful not to avoid shops altogether - I think if you don't expose yourself a little, you can end up building them up in your head into something worse than they are. But be gentle with yourself. It is still early days x
I agree with Susan and with you. Using it for a little while can be a lifesaver. I have never used one personally but can definitely see how it would be helpful. I do think, though, that when we push ourselves just a little bit we can build up some immunity and finally being able to overcome those fears and facing them can be little victories that can really jumpstart our self-esteem and help us increase our confidence. For the first 6 months of my grief I had agorpahobia and couldn't leave the house much for anything. My husband brought me things. With time, though, being able to force myself and pushing myself just a little bit at a time was liberating though. It made me feel confident as a new parent again and that inner stregth was much stronger than the support I was looking for, and not finding, from anyone else. Susan's right, too, it is still early days. Even for her, two years in, it's still early. So we do have to be gentle.
Post a Comment