Missing Maxie

You mean well
But it's too hard for you to be around me....
Or call me, or email me, or send me a quick text
Or read my blog
And if you have to be around me,
you cannot mention his name
Or ask how I am doing
It's too hard for you because
what happened to me
Is your worst nightmare
And guess what?
It is my worst nightmare too
So when you are done
gathering all of the strength you have
to put three words into a text message
"Thinking about you"
I have to keep gathering strength to keep breathing
Because lord knows,
there are times I'd much rather stop
And then you can go back to work, playing with your children or reading your book
And I will smile for a minute or two
and then go back to Missing Maxie


Rachael said...

Abby, I come back (to your blog) to miss Maxie, too, sometimes once a week, sometimes daily. I never knew him, don't know you either. But I feel compelled to remember him over and over. I talk about him and the memories of him that you've shared with your readers to my friends and my family. My heart tries to leap out of my chest at the thought of his precious smile only existing in pictures and video. Maxie's memory is very much a part of my life. Maxie's blog is the only one I follow and, though its painful to read, something brings me back over and over. To you and to Max. I'm reluctant to even write this as I know my words might cause you pain or, at best, won't bring you comfort. But every time I think of Max I want you to know that someone else out there is thinking of him, saying his name, wishing this blog didn't exist at all.

Tiffany said...

I wish I could send some people I once considered friends to this post. You put it into words so well. Thinking of you and Maxie always...

jkbrumbaugh@gmail.com said...

Abby, that's true. I have to agree with Rachael, I try to visit other blogs, but I come every night to yours. And I share many of ur stories with my husband and a few close friends. And everytime I'm at the store at the park that its not much these days, everytime I looked at my daughter Kylie I think of him. They were born only 2 weeks apart. I think of how much I love San Francisco and how much I want my daughters to go there. And maybe they woild have met, he is handsome. And then I get so scared would I loose her too like our son? And I wish u lived here. Near. Thank You my friend for ur support and know how much we wish we could change this. Many huggs Kira.

maxiesmommy said...

This is really special. Thank you.

robyn said...

i am sorry for your loss, ted's and especially maxie's. he was such a beautiful boy...his pictures always bring a smile to my face. i am blessed to have gotten a chance to meet him and see you with him, which was an amazing site. you found yourself in motherhood. there will always be a place in my heart for maxie and of course you and your family. i love you dearly and think of you always.

xo. robyn

Susan said...

There is some really awful grief poetry written. But this is rather good. X x