Ted's other tattoo

A few people have asked about Ted's other Tattoo.  You can see it on his arm in some of the photos I have posted recently, though he has had it for months already.  He had the language from Maxie's headstone tattooed on his arm:

"Maxwell Judah Leviss - Our Beautiful Baby Boy, Your Smile Will Shine Always -27".  

27 is not on the headstone but it is a number that connects Ted and Maxie for eternity.  Our brokenness is not always obvious - you cannot see where we have been hurt and so it is easy to forget that we are not who were once were.  Ted's tattoos are a reminder that he is a man who carries the weight of his loss with him wherever he goes. 

This is a man who carries his son with him always - even when he doesn't get to do that in the physical sense.  Ted's tattoos have engraved on his arms what you cannot see perhaps in his face, in his smile, in his gentle demeanor.  Ted's tattoos have engraved his heart in a more visible place.  They make him vulnerable in that they open him up to questions - questions that he doesn't always even want to answer.  They are a reminder of the father Ted was to Max - a beautiful, loving, self sacrificing father who had just begun to wear his heart on his sleeve when his baby was torn away from him. 

I asked Ted his thoughts about his newer tattoo and this is what he had to say:

"I had a lot of confusing emotions when Mo was born.  He was looking so much like Max and that was confusing too.  So, I wanted to make sure I kept my mind right and at the same time not disrespect his memory by thinking he was being replaced or that Mo was Max.  It was just generally confusing.

It was also a way to help me release my pain.  To let some of the black out.  I wanted the tattoo to really hurt.

I wanted people to know and see my pain - sort of wearing it on my sleeve as the expression goes."

Ted's explanation is so beautiful and I can relate to it so much.  I love Ted's tattoos.  They remind me that I am not doing this all by myself.

1 comment

Unknown said...

Hi again, Abby. Still thinking of you, Ted & Mo - and still reading your blog. Bookmarked it months ago. Not exactly sure why, but I think you're teaching me something about strength. Thought you should know that. Love.