Two whole years without him

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Dear Beautiful Max,

Neither one of us can believe it has been two years because it feels like only yesterday that we kissed you last.  It seems like yesterday when this nightmare began.  Somehow, it also feels like an eternity.  We didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much, to love them this much, to long and ache this intensely. In so many ways, we have "improved": we are stronger, we are more grateful for each day, we know how precious each moment is. At the same time, we are so weak: we are starting to realize that this pain will never go away, we are hurt easily, we are more vulnerable, more afraid.  The melancholy can be all consuming and at times, this feels like a life sentence for a crime we cannot pinpoint. We hear parents talk about missing their children who are gone for the weekend, gone away to summer camp, going off to college and we have nothing to say. You are gone forever. It just feels impossible.

Two years without you, sweet one, and a LIFETIME to go. I have no idea how we are doing it. Our biggest challenge each day is to figure out how to live without you - a constant existential crisis. We miss you with our entire insides. You have never been forgotten - even for one minute, you are always wholly loved, you are always with us and we are always with you. 

To the moon and so far beyond - we cannot wait to be with you again. We will keep searching for you in our dreams.

Mommy & Daddy


Jayden's Mommy said...

This is a beautiful letter. It's hard to believe its been 2 years. I'm sorry Abby. I know that you will see your beautiful baby one day. Much love, Kira

jessica said...

Sending you so much love today and always. Maxie is very loved and very missed. Words cannot express how sorry and heart broken I am for you, Ted and Mo that your Maxie is not here with you. xoxo

greg said...

Still heartbroken for you now two years later...and always will be. Maxie should be here with us now, with Ted & his brother. He is irreplaceable.

love to you all.

Anonymous said...

I've been following your journey for two years now. I am so terribly sorry for your family and most of all Maxie. You bring his sweet personality to life. I feel like I know him. Love and hugs from Houston, TX.

Jennie said...

All our love to you both. We love you and Maxie and Mo and have you in our hearts always. :), Wally, Jennie and Kids

Taryn said...

Thank you for sharing this. It is heartbreaking, yet so beautiful, tender and full of such profound love.

You all are in our thoughts today! Maxie has touched our hearts. He is a splendid light. Thank you for sharing him. He is absolutely lovely in every way.

Marty said...

Abby, my heart goes out to you guys. I'm thinking about you and sending love your way. Love, Marty

robyn said...

Abby, words cannot express how sorry I am that Maxie is not here with you. I cannot believe that it's been two years since you have had your little man in your arms and I am so sorry. He will always be remembered and loved by all. I love you.

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