2012

Saturday, December 31, 2011

I know it seems that I must be eager to have 2011 over with.  2011 marks the very worst year of my life.  The first six months, however, were the very best of my life.  Sure, Maxie was born in 2010, but he went from infant to baby in 2011 and that was the best.  All of my most wonderful memories of Maxie happened in 2011 and now I have to say goodbye to him again.  My heart is so heavy today, heavier than most actually...and, it is always heavy.  Ted had to work today, as he does from time to time on Saturdays.  I am all alone.  I have spent most of the last 5 and a half months all alone.  When Ted used to work on weekends, I had Max.  We would go to Grandma or Grandpa's house for a visit, or we would stay around our neighborhood and go for walks.  Friends always comment in their emails to me how nice it must be for me to be surrounded by people who love me.  I am not sure where they get that picture, I know that there is love for us out there, but I am not surrounded by anything.  I have never been so sad and so alone in all of my life.  I am not sure if I am ready for 2012 but things just come, whether you are ready or not.  Whatever 2012 brings, it starts off pretty sad and lonely for me.  I am lucky to have my husband, I am lucky to have these two dogs that keep me company and snuggle me while I cry, I am lucky to have a roof over my head.  I'll focus on that for now.  Happy 2012 to you readers.  I hope that you have lots to celebrate.  Drink a toast to Maxie if you can.  See you next year.

3 comments:

Meg said...

I am just so, so sorry. I hope with all my heart 2012 brings you and your husband a little bit of peace.

I will a drink a toast to Maxie tonight.

Melissa Rossi said...

A toast to Maxie, and to his parents who gave him all they could in his short life. At some point, there will be meaning to this, I have to believe it... I just have to... I'm thinking of you and understand why you feel lonely, I just wish you didn't...

jenna said...

Dear Abby,

I found your blog through the NYT Magazine's 'Lives They Loved', and I can't help but be drawn into your family's story. I am so very sorry you do not have Max here with you now. I shall drink a drink to Max and you and I hope that 2012 bring new joy to your family.

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