He Will Not Be Forgotten

Thursday, December 22, 2011

As long as I continue to live on this earth, Max will not be forgotten.  His name, Maxwell "Maxie" Judah Leviss, will long outlive mine - as it should.  There will be forests and scholarships and research funds named after him.  The story of his brief life will be told always.  Not a day will pass that I will not tell his story in some way or another to someone else.  He may not be here physically but he LIVES in my heart.  And, when I go, I will make sure that he does not.  I will not let it happen.  He will never really die because I refuse to let him.  And, so even when this life is just too hard to live, I have to keep on living it to make SURE that he has the chance.  I must go on mothering my baby, as so many bereaved parents have so beautifully put it, even though I cannot hold him, and bathe him, and kiss him and tuck him into bed.  I have to keep mothering his spirit because without him, I am nothing.  Max will go on living any way that I can find to make sure that he does.  This is my purpose now.  This is the only thing that matters.  Link to NY Times Magazine Blurb about Maxie.


Jkmmbdf said...

I'm so sorry - my heart is aching for you right now. I wish that would give your heart a moment of relief but I don't imagine it does. You have a beautiful family. You are a wonderful mother.

Zoie Dubinsky said...

Sorry, Abby that my last post was a bit random. I saw your link. I am holding a space for Maxie in my heart when I light my candles.

Eowyn said...

This is a profound and beautiful purpose. I've said it before, but I want to say it here in public as well, you have taught me what a mother's love truly means. Though I wish with all my being that Maxie was in your arms to be mothered in the flesh rather than in spirit, I know that the power of your love means he can never leave this word entirely. Amazing things will happen in his name and though none of that will never fill the hole in your heart, I have a feeling the ripples of this purpose will help mend other broken lives and penetrate many other hearts.

Leslie K. said...

"The story of his brief life will be told always. Not a day will pass that I will not tell his story in some way or another to someone else. "

That is so beautiful it makes me cry, Abbs. I have always heard that there is no love as powerful as the love of a mother, and the overwhelming, selfless love you feel for your son comes through in every single word you write.


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