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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I miss Max SO much.  Yesterday my heart stopped when I forgot for a minute where his teeth were exactly.  Were his two teeth on top or on the bottom?  I could hardly catch my breath.  How could I forget my munchkin's teeth?  Bottom!  Thank god!  What else have I forgotten?  The sound of his laughter.  When I hear another child laughing I think, is that what his laugh sounded like?  I can't remember exactly.  I think I have it but I am not sure....the cadence, the pitch, it only exists in my mind.  Hearing a child laugh actually causes me physical pain.  I should start carrying earplugs because it hurts so much.  Oh, I miss him so much.  I never, ever knew life could hurt this much.  I miss you Maxie SOOOOOO much!  I am not myself without you!  Why did you leave me Maxie?  I can't believe that there is no salve for this pain.  I just have to feel it...all of the time.  The details are becoming fuzzier but the pain is just as deep.


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