Mo's arrival

Mo's birth was a mercy induction.  By Saturday, I was so overwhelmed with grief and Pupps and other pregnancy pain that I could barely stand it anymore.  Ted suggested that we move up the induction date, after all - inducing on the evening of the 24th was just as arbitrary in some ways.  I did not take much convincing.  I needed a light at the end of the tunnel.

So, we went in on Sunday night at 10 pm and they started me on a low dose of pitocin.  All of our nurses throughout the evening were amazing and had clearly already been informed of our story ahead of time, which was a blessing.  They didn't ask any questions really and were very compassionate.  I am not going to bore you with every detail.  There were highs (back scratches from Courtney, my ANGEL high school friend/doula) and lows (low blood pressure and nausea for a while) until I went into active labor around 12:30.  I was taken off the epidural (something I would come to regret) and then pushed for the next 2 hours.  Mo was not coming out easy and my epidural pretty much wore off by the time we were done.  We had no idea how big he was.  Finally, at 2:32, out came our enormous baby - 9 lbs, 5.2 ounces.  21 inches long.  CRAZY!  No wonder I was so uncomfortable.  We were so happy to see his little face - such a little Leviss!  Looking so much like his big brother.

I have to say, this was the complete opposite experience from Maxie's birth.  With Max, my water broke at 11 pm at 36 weeks pregnant, we got to the hospital by 12 am.  I got an epidural at 3 am, slept until 8 or so and then pushed for about 30 minutes starting at 9:40 am or so and gave birth to a teeny tiny 6.8 pnd baby, hardly feeling a thing.  I honestly could not understand what the fuss about giving birth was all about.  With Mo, I was literally screaming "Get him out of me Dr. D!" by the end.  Night and day!  When Dr. D came to visit our room yesterday he said something like - had we known he was going to be that big, we would have induced 2 weeks earlier.  My mom also remembers him saying, "I can't believe that big baby came out of that vagina!"  If HE can't believe it, then I don't know.... this kid must really be large!

Recovery from this pregnancy feels like it might take a while.  I am sore EVERYWHERE.  Mo nurses like crazy.  I totally can't keep up.  We have already had to supplement a bit with formula.  We'll see what happens.  It is really important that a baby this big eats whenever he needs to and since my milk hasn't come in yet, formula was suggested by every doctor and nurse who visited our room.  We watched this video that said that newborns on average eat 8-10 times a day.  I counted up how many times Mo had eaten this morning over the previous 24 hours - 18 times!  My boobs are KILLING....as is my back and I am cramping like crazy and I still have PUPPS!  I am SO itchy!

The last 3 days have been a crazy mix of emotions.  Mostly pure joy but there is a grief storm that I know is hiding for now and just waiting to roll in.  I love this baby.  Oh my lord - I LOVE THIS BABY!  Ted and I are both overwhelmed with how much of a blessing he is for us.  He has given us back our lives - he is our reason for living.  But, I cannot look into this face and not see my Maxie Moo.  Yesterday, I held Mo close and found myself in a puddle of tears, begging him not to ever leave me.  I couldn't live through losing him.  He is the most important living person in our lives.  He is wonderful.  He is perfect.  I have never ever wanted anything more in my whole life than I wanted this boy.  I am over the moon that he is finally here.  But, oh, I miss my Maxie.  I miss him from a place so deep in my heart  - the place that is permanently broken.

Little Mo - He's already made me so much happier than I imagined possible this past year.  We are trying to focus on that for now and it is beautiful.  Still, it is next to impossible not to make comparisons.

Newborn Max

Newborn Mo

I love these boys!