The Bris

Mo's bris was really special.  I felt lots of love and support from all of the friends and family who came.  While I was feeling so many complex emotions, I was able to "be in the moment" just for Mo for most of the night.  Ted welcomed everyone and did a beautiful job putting Mo's birth into the context of our lives without Max.  He did not sugar coat the situation and said that the last year has been a complete nightmare and even though Mo will never replace Max - he gives us lots of hope for the future.

There were so many parts of the evening that reminded me of Max's bris...many of the same faces, being outside, the emotions that I felt as a mother surrounding this important but (let's be honest) BRUTAL event.   Everyone commented on what a good boy he was - he hardly cried at all.  Neither did Max at his bris.  I remember the Mohel at Max's bris said that you could tell a lot about how the baby's disposition would be in the future based on how they were at their bris.  Max was an angel and continued to be one for his very short life.  Mo was also an angel.  I carried him around in an ergo (that I really should have fitted and practiced using first) all night. while he slept so peacefully (my back and feet are paying for it today).

Last night was an extreme example of feeling both intense joy and complete devastation at the same time.  And even though I had a smile on my face all night and was genuinely happy, my broken heart was never out of my mind.  What was most special for me last night was being able to be with all of the people who supported us this year.  It felt good to be able to share with them the joy of this new chapter of our lives, and knowing that they understood that our happiness does not erase our devastation.  As I walked our grief counselor around introducing her, the reality of losing Max was always with me.  And when everyone left, the horror of Max not being here to share Mo's special day sunk in hard again for both Ted and I.

But last night was about Mo - as it should have been.  He was celebrated, he was kissed, he was admired and loved....and after all he had to endure last night physically, he deserved to be the center of attention!

Sweet Baby Mo - we love you more than words can say.  You have given us reason to smile again.  We will always be grateful to you baby.

A few shots of the evening

if you were there and have any more, please share!  We didn't get as many photos as we wanted (never do).  Thank you so much!