Times

Monday, July 9, 2012

There are times since Maxie's passing that I feel so alone that I cannot believe that there are over 7 billion people living on this planet.
There are times when I feel so completely misunderstood that I wonder why I bother talking.
There are times when I realize more acutely that I will never be with Max again and it feels like my heart has stopped beating - or I wonder why it continues to beat despite this loss.
There are times when I realize that it was MAX, my Max, my most beloved person, that is gone forever...strangely, sometimes I am able to think otherwise.
There are times when I feel like I am just barely holding this together and I wonder how I have even made it this far.
There are times when I wonder how I will make it even one more day.
There are many, many times when I experience all of these things at once.
Right now is one of those times.


8 comments:

Egreeno said...

I am so sorry Abby! I wish with all of me that you never had any casue to have these times.

jessica said...

I am so, so sorry and I am sending you all so much love. It is awful and unfair that you have to experience any of these things, let alone all at once. I am so very sorry that your most beloved Max is gone.

Kim said...

Abby, I'm thinking of you RIGHT NOW. xxoo

Anna said...

Abby, I understand how you are feeling. This is a huge tidal wave. Please think of any of the many friends who love you dearly holding your hand through this wave and riding it out with you. The intensity of feeling will subside. So sorry that you are going through this and have to live another day without Maxie by your side.

Sonia said...

Abby, I'm so sorry. I'm also thinking of you and wishing that you didn't have to go through this with all my heart. I wish that your Max was still here

Susan said...

Just keep going. You feel alone because most people have no clue, and grief is very isolating. Even your husband is grieving differently. Yet, you have been alone all along and you have survived so far. Yes, it is gut-wrenching - but if you got this far, you can hold on a little longer.

I remember when I was heavily pg with M, I started to feel like I couldn't do it. I was terrified to go on - I just felt I coujldn't face anything else going wrong. I felt depleted. I had nothing left to give. I used to wander around mumbling "If" by Ruyard Kipling under my breath to give me courage.

July was never going to be easy - (under-statement) but I know you can do it. One foot in front of the other, and remember to breathe xx

jkbrumbaugh@gmail.com said...

Abby. Im sorry. I know I feel the same way specially lately. Focus on baby's M arrival. He is going to bring so much brightness to your day, And I know that we all are thinking of Max everyday he is in our minds. We love you. Kira

robyn said...

i hate that maxie is gone. i hate that people are insensitive. i hate that you feel so alone in your pain. i hate that you hurt so much. i love you abby...and ted and maxie and of course baby m too.

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