Little Maxie

Babies change so much, so quickly.  And although Maxie only lived nine and half months, the Maxie that I have spent the whole last year missing so violently is the Maxie of the last 3 months of his life.  I have been missing the Maxie that held his head up and smiled widely and loved yams and greek yogurt.  Having Mo here is a reminder of my early love of Max.  Mo is a reminder of the purest, sweetest love that grew by the minute during my first days with Maxie.  I can't help but remember all of the funny little things he did - the funny faces and squirmy little movements.  I have more to miss now because I remember even more.

I always knew that I wanted children but I had no idea what I was in for.  I had no idea that I would fall madly in love the minute I held my little baby.  And, while I was pregnant with Mo, I am somewhat ashamed to say that I was sad to have to go through the infant stage again.  I felt that the six month Maxie was my reward for all of the early work.  I forgot how much I actually loved those early days...and I really loved my early days with Maxie.  I remember people telling me that having a baby was like falling in romantic love - only better.  It is SO much better!  There is no game playing or worry that he doesn't love you back.  And, you don't feel vulnerable to loss - you know that you are going to grow old with this little guy....only, that isn't how it worked out for me.  I only got nine and a half months with the love of my life.  It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it.  But, I digress....here are some photos of my little monkey from the early days.  The really special, wonderful, early days.  I miss them and him so much.  I cannot believe I have lived this long without him.  It boggles my brain.