What I'm learning:

We all have so many roadblocks on our way to happiness.  We are disappointed that life hasn't given us all that we dreamed - the perfect job, the perfect mate, children, money.  It's hard when it looks like your dreams are not going to come true, right?  It feels even more impossible when our dreams start to come true and the the rug is pulled out from under us (through a loss of job, a divorce, death of someone we love).  I am learning (slowly) to accept what is.  It's a long road, but I know that it is my road to finding happiness again.  Accept what is and continue dreaming....because I really think there can be happiness again.

I hope you don't abandon your dreams just because they are taking longer than you thought they would or because you've been heartbroken.  Prioritize your life - what is really important?  If you want children and you haven't found the right partner - maybe you should consider having the children.  If things didn't work out with the partner you started out with, don't give up on finding the right one.  I know you think it is "easy for me to say"...but it isn't.  Deciding to have more children after Max was (and is) a gigantic leap of faith.  GIGANTIC.  Every day it is. Our hearts were (and are) broken....but having a family was our dream and it was important enough to keep working towards that goal. I am watching Mo sleep on his tummy on his monitor right now (he rolled over) .  It is only the second time he has ever slept on his tummy and I am holding my breath.  I am learning to let go...because I have to eventually.

I might sound (and be) a little preachy....but I want you to be happy.  Go outside of your comfort zone.  I am out of mine nearly every second of every day these days and overall - it's ok.  My comfort zone is in my bed, all day long, sleeping with the lights off.  The payoff for being out of my comfort zone has been that light and joy have crept back into my life.  I want that for you too.

This is my Mo, sleeping on his tummy on his video monitor right now.  He's got a cute bald spot on the back of his head from so much sleeping on his back.  I'm crazy about this boy.


Tamar said...

This is a beautiful post, Abby. Sending love. xo

Anonymous said...

Oh, Abbeleh. You have my best wishes and memories of the California sweetie you are. I know a little about keeping your chin up when it hurts to be awake. Be well.


Becca said...

Abby, thank you for this beautiful post.