They meant well...

Thursday, March 7, 2013

 They meant well:
  • The one who "came out for Maxie's funeral" and partied the whole time, excited about pot being legal in California, then went home and called to say how wiped out they were from all of the action.
  • The person who posted "Another beautiful day in Los Angeles" on Facebook, the day after she'd been at Maxie's funeral.
  • The person who posted "Can Abby come out and play?" on my Facebook page the week after Maxie's funeral.
  • The one who came out here "for me" but made me feel bad the whole time that I didn't have room in my home for any more guests.
  • The one who told me "Well, all is not lost....at least you still have great boobs.  And they are real, no?" YES - someone really did say this to me...and this person is responsible for more than one of the zingers on this list.  This one is in a tie for the worst and most inappropriate thing said to me after my child, who I had been lovingly breast feeding, died.
  • The other one who told me, "It's like a miscarriage.  Every woman has one.  So, you had this and now it's done and so you don't have to worry about it anymore."  I'm sure that person has no idea that three months later, I had a miscarriage.
  • That one who defensively told me, "I've had bad things happen in my life too!"
  • The person I paid for therapy who told me, "I was sad after my dog died, but then I got another dog.  You can have another baby".
  • The person who replied, "Well, you weren't exactly the same after Max was BORN either. People change." ....when I cried that I would never be the same after my child's death.
  • The one who emailed me to say that "If Max were still here, Mo wouldn't be" (in a tie with the "great boobs" one.)
I could keep going, but I think I will stop there.  They all meant well.  But none of them thought before they spoke.  They all meant well, but their comments will be with me for life.  In most cases, I would say that the worst thing you could do is not say anything at all...but in the case of these people, I wish they'd kept their mouths shut.



7 comments:

GrahamForeverInMyHeart said...

How about this one, the day after my son died, "You'll see. Everything will work out for the best."
My husband and I were so stunned, we were speechless.

Michelle said...

I can't believe how insensitive ALL of those comments are! People really do need to think before they speak, even if you haven't ever experienced loss, you would think it's just common sense not to say such ridiculous things

Becca said...

It's hard to believe all of them "meant well." WTF.

Maxie's Mommy said...

"Work out for the best"? More like "life feels over and nothing else matters!" How terrible! I'm so sorry someone said that to you!

Jayden's Mommy said...

I'm sorry Abby. I know what you mean that these comments stay with us forever. Jared has try to tell me to let it Ho, but I can't. The person who said to me "we'll you have 2 other kids it will be just fine". I just left my stomach drop n in pain. Today I will tell her I want to see you loose one of your two children and be just fine. Or our salon lady who said " it was his time he is with God, you should find comfort in this he gets the privilege" no he is better with me I'm his mommy and we strive to be the best parents possible. We wanted each of our children there was no accident. I can no longer see the people that made comments like these. And yes I hate those that just stay quite or are supposedly "afraid" to mentioned our son. I want to scream to them: he existed. I'm sorry Again. To these people I feel they need something to shake their world just a little bit, a day of my pain.

Panni said...

Oh my word. Some people are just clueless!

Hannah Patterson said...

Oh my goodness... Just awful. I mean, we all put our foot in it but some of these faux pas are unbelievable. The boobs comment just beggars belief. When my sister died a few years ago, I was told by a family member that I should feel 'relieved' as she was such a 'burden'.

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