Six Weeks

Ted was out of town this past weekend, and Friday night I had a bit of an anxiety attack about Mo.  He was fussing a lot all day - acting annoyed and whining.  He didn't have much an an appetite and he wasn't his usual happy self.  He was doing this a lot:

I remember Max losing his appetite around this same age.  He would get really fussy at meal time.  He would clamp his mouth shut and whine - just like Mo was doing.  I didn't think much of it when Max was doing it.  A co-worker told me that I should firmly tell him "no".  I get sick thinking about telling Max "no" when he might have been trying to tell me that he wasn't feeling well.  Perhaps he knew something was wrong with him.

Seeing Mo act the same way caused my mind to race.  I ended up calling the pediatrician late.  I was hoping she would tell me that all babies fuss like this at eight months old.  She didn't.  She just said that if he kept it up, I should bring him in.  Not what I wanted to hear.  What she did say though, was that if it were anyone else's child, she probably WOULD just say that it was likely nothing - a little tummy ache, overtiredness, gas or maybe cutting a tooth.  She understands that my experience is not like those of other mothers.  I worry more.

Last night, we attended a Passover seder at my fathers house.  Mo was thrown off of his game from the minute we got there.  My dad has a very loud bird that squacks in a way that makes the hair stand up on your head.  Even though Mo's hair is already standing straight up, his feathers got ruffled.  Every time the bird, Echo, would squack, Mo would cry.  He continued crying the rest of the time he was awake and then would not settle down to sleep easily.  Ted ended up rocking him and rubbing his back for 15 minutes or more until Mo finally fell asleep.  Everyone kept suggesting that perhaps Mo was unhappy because there were so many people there but Mo was super happy the day before at a baby shower full of strangers.  I know that sometimes babies, like all people, just get into moods - but it worries me more than it ever worried me with Max. 

Mo is eight months old.  That means that in six weeks, he will be nine and a half months old.  I have been both anxiously awaiting this time and dreading it.  So many of his behaviors are "typical" of an eight month old and so they remind me of how Max was acting in his last six weeks.  I am having trouble deciphering between what is normal for an eight month old and what is an indicator of impending doom.

The next six weeks are going to be a struggle for me - no doubt.  I am using the remainder of my massage gift certificates from my friends, celebrating Passover, taking a small road trip with my boys, working on some art projects, trying to distract myself.  If you pray - I hope you will consider including us in your prayers.

Thank you


Tiffany Torres said...

you have never left my thoughts/prayers. i understand the feelings well. i was a HUGE wreck (as opposed to the normal wreck that i am now) around the 4.5 month mark with baby girl. my chest was tight, i was tense, and anxious. like i was holding my breath through it all. i don't know how i managed to make it through the 1st year like that. i remember when she got her 1st set of shots, and she started acting fussy like Julius did. i FREAKED!! i was hysterical, and kept repeating "i can't do this again" like a crazy person. seriously. i hate that we have to live this way.

maxiesmommy said...

Thank you Tiffany. I feel like I am losing my mind. Honestly.