I am still struggling with all of this anger.
I am angry that the circumstances surrounding Maxie's death are still a mystery.
Angry that my son is gone.
Angry that I am expected to tip toe around other people's feelings but they do not tip toe around mine. 
I am angry that there is nothing I can do to reverse this injustice.
I am angry that my heart is ruined and my soul is so damaged.
Angry that Mo will never get to play with his big brother.
The prevailing emotion I feel is not anger...but it is still in there and I would be lying if I said that I had come to peace with any of this.  I have not.
I still have so many questions.
I still am so angry....


robyn said...

i am so sorry abby. sorry for your loss, sorry for maxie's....and ted's, mo's, everyone who loved him. i am sorry you have to carry this sadness and anger with you. injustice indeed.

Tiffany Torres said...

yea i often wonder how the last "Stage" of grief is acceptance. it must not be for the death of a child because i don't think i could ever "accept" this life. i live it because i have no other options.

Taryn Baughman said...

I am so sorry. Everything you just mentioned here (and I'm sure this is a short list) is heartbreakingly infuriating. I don't know how you reconcile a loss like sweet Maxie's...ever, but you continually prove that your love for your children is where you find your greatest strength and hope. Yet, when you love that much, and loose this profoundly, I don't know how you avoid feeling angry on levels most of us cannot imagine.