Another 19th ahead

Many people have asked me what we are doing on the 19th to memorialize the two year anniversary of the day that Maxie stopped breathing.  To be honest, I haven't even let myself think about it yet.  I am not sure if Ted has either because he hasn't brought it up.  The fact is that the 19th falls on a Friday and even though it will feel to us like the world should take a pause, it won't.    Ted will have to get up and go to work at the crack of dawn.  Nobody will know or mention the fact that it is the two year anniversary of the day his son stopped breathing.  I will also answer emails and make phone calls to colleagues, most of them won't say a thing because most of them don't know and those who do are too scared to say a word.  I might have time in the afternoon to visit Max at the cemetery, a place that makes the loss TOO real for me - that crushes every cell in my body - that I can barely handle without Ted - but that I will have to do alone on the 19th.  Ted likely won't be able to go at all on that day.  By the time he gets home, the day will be almost over and I am sure we will both be grateful for that - the day that marks another year without our child is hardly a day I'd like to drag on.