Nothing really surprises me anymore. So, when I just read an email from the author of a book I quoted and cited, asking me to remove the content from her book. I just went back and deleted it. It's funny because I actually remember thinking that the book would be tremendously helpful to folks facing not knowing what to say in tough situations and that hopefully, if enough people read my blog down the road, they would also buy her book. I have used this space from time to time to tell you my thoughts on what to say and not to say but the response hasn't always been good. (Actually, the response is always good from other bereaved parents - except once - and it is generally less good from everyone else: Bereaved parents knowing what would help them to hear and the rest of the world still so reluctant and uncomfortable to say those words that could be helpful). I have quoted many books and linked to many websites. Hopefully, this will be the one and only that I have to go back and delete content from.
In the meantime, here's to hoping Joe Biden doesn't come after me for posting the following clip, which was posted in the comments section of my blog (thank you John). It is Biden's address to a group of families of fallen soldiers, though in many ways, it felt like it could have been directed at any parent who had lost a child: Joe Biden's address to Goldstar Families (give it a few seconds to load...I promise it is a very short clip)
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8 comments
One would think that any publicity/mention is good for business....?
I can't believe that an author of a book that you were connecting with, a book that you were endorsing, would read your blog and ask you to remove the content. You are her target audience!! Obviously her message is less important than her profit....Ridiculous!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this infuriates me!!!!! people are so petty. i can't believe she did this. well i know 1 book i WON'T be reading.
Well, in the author's defense, she is a bereaved mother herself - having lost 2 children. As the book is a tribute to her babies, I understand that she is being protective. At the same time, I don't think it is the right call....as her book is out of print (I think) and I am not sure where people would read the section anyway. And, if it were in print, I gave it praise...so, go figure. I have given up in some ways trying to figure out the motives of people who wish the thwart the efforts of someone in intense grief and pain to make themselves heard. That's all I am really trying to do here - feel heard. Anyway, if anyone wants to pull pieces of my blog and praise them - you have my permission. And if I someday write a book to help people in their grief - you should feel free to use helpful parts of that as well. In this meaningless life I now have - I can imagine nothing better than to know I have helped even one other single person deal just a little better with this trauma.
makes me laugh that she would do something like that. I would have sent you a copy of the book instead; and tell you that I was glad you found what I wrote helpful... RIDICULOUS!
As someone who works in the publishing industry myself, does she not realize that with proper citation and mention you can pretty much quote anything that is publicly available as long as you don't receive any monetary gain from it? Sheesh. Well, she lost out on that free publicity.
Abby, I don't know if you remember me from high school - but I came to your blog after reading about your loss in our class notes. I've been lurking, not commenting, but certainly praying for you. And I've appreciated your advice about things to say vs. not to say - and have taken them to heart as I talk to friends who are going through their own losses.
It feels very odd, especially since my comment has nothing to do with today's post, but I am commenting in this public way now just because I don't have an email address for you. I read a blog post tonight that made me think of you, and wanted to share it. It is written by a woman who lost her son to a drug overdose 2 years ago. She gave birth to a baby girl 6 weeks or so later. This post talks about her fears of being able to share love and joy with this baby at that horrible time, and about the sunshine and hope that the baby brought. I don't think that you share the same fears necessarily, but I still thought it was a lovely piece about the great power of this birth. http://blogs.babble.com/babble-voices/home-work/2012/05/23/danger-baby-is-morphing-into-danger-toddler/
Anyway, I hope you don't mind me posting. You have been in my thoughts. I am so very very sorry for loss and your heartbreak. Thank you for your courage in sharing it. -Amanda (Hennigan) Mansour
That's really funny - I read it, and was half thinking of reproducing it on my blog ! I think you have the right attitude about not taking it to heart. I personally would be spitting bricks. Maybe you could blog about how you achieved that calm attitude.
If you ever fancy quoting me, do go ahead - I won't mind :)
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