Anyway, on my way home I was listening to Sirius radio's backspin station...it's all hip hop and rap music from my high school and college years. I love it. An old favorite of mine (and Ted's) came on and for like the first time EVER, I actually listened to the words I was saying. Oh my god, I thought, this song is about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Seriously! All of the things I spoke about in my post traumatic stress post - paranoia, feelings of depression, thoughts of suicide, rage and anger, need to isolate, inability to cope.
A COMPLETELY different situation than losing a child, or being a vet...but still grief, loss and flashbacks. Geto Boys' song about the horrors of urban gang life.
Only a VERY select few of you will know or remember this song. Disclosure - SO MUCH profanity....don't even listen or read the lyrics below if you can't handle it. Don't say you haven't been warned.
Geto Boys - Mind playin tricks on me
Intro: scarface
I sit alone in my four-cornered room
Staring at candles
Oh that sh*t is on? heh
Let me drop some sh*t like this here
Real smooth
Verse one: scarface
At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn
Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned
Four walls just staring at a nigga
I'm paranoid, sleeping with my finger on the trigger
My mother's always stressing I ain't living right
But I ain't going out without a fight
See, everytime my eyes close
I start sweatin, and blood starts comin out my nose
It's somebody watchin' the ak'
But I don't know who it is, so I'm watchin my back
I can see him when I'm deep in the covers
When I awake I don't see the motherf****r
He owns a black hat like I own
A black suit and a cane like my own
Some might say "take a chill, b"
But f*** that sh**, there's a nigga trying to kill me
I'm pumping in the clip when the wind blows
Every twenty seconds got me peeping out my window
Investigating the joint for traps
Checking my telephone for taps
I'm staring at the woman on the corner
It's f***ed up when your mind is playing tricks on you
Verse two: willie d [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyrics
I make big money, I drive big cars
Everybody know me, it's like I'm a movie star
But late at night, somethin ain't right
I feel I'm being tailed by the same sucker's head lights
Is it that fool that I ran off the block
Or is it that nigga last week that I shot
Or is it the one I beat for five thousand dollars
Thought he had 'caine but it was gold medal flour
Reach under my seat, grabbed my popper for the suckers
Ain't no use to be lying, I was scareder than a mother*****r
But they're laughing at pow pies and buried that quick
If it's going down let's get this shit over with
Here they come, just like I figured
I got my hand on the mother**cking trigger
What I saw'll make your ass start giggling
Three black, crippled and crazy senior citizens
I live by the sword
I take my boys everywhere I go
Because I'm paranoid
I keep looking over my shoulder and peeping around corners
My mind is playing tricks on me
Verse three: scarface
Day by day it's more impossible to cope
I feel like I'm the one that's doing dope
Can't keep a steady hand because I'm nervous
Every sunday morning I'm in service
Praying for forgiveness
And trying to find an exit out of the business
I know the lord is looking at me
But yet and still it's hard for me to feel happy
I often drift while I drive
Havin fatal thoughts of suicide
Bang and get it over with
And then I'm worry-free, but that's bullshit
I got a little boy to look after
And if I died then my child would be a bastard
I had a woman down with me
But to me it seemed like she was down to get me
She helped me out in this sh**
But to me she was just another b****
Now she's back with her mother
Now I'm realizing that I love her
Now I'm feeling lonely
My mind is playing tricks on me
Verse four: bushwick bill
This year halloween fell on a weekend
Me and geto boyz are trick-or-treating
Robbing little kids for bags
Till an old man got behind our ass
So we speeded up the pace
Took a look back and he was right before our face
We'd be in for a squab' no doubt
So I swung and hit the nigga in his mouth
He was going down, we figured
But this was no ordinary nigga
He stood about six or seven feet
Now, that's the nigga I'd been seeing in my sleep
So we triple-teamed on him
Dropping them motherf***** b's on him
The more I swung the more blood flew
Then he disappeared and my boys disappeared, too
Then I felt just like a fiend
It wasn't even close to halloween
It was dark as f*** on the streets
My hands were all bloody from punching on the concrete
God damn, homie
My mind is playing tricks on me
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