Old Dog

It is becoming increasingly clear that I don't see so well.  If I am not wearing glasses, my eyes are permanently squinting.  My vision has gotten worse with each pregnancy.

Just before losing Max, I went to the optometrist to get contact lenses for the first time.  Ted wears contacts - he is a pro!  I am very late to the contact game.  Anyway, the doctor gave me a pair of lenses, sat me in a chair, and told me that they couldn't let me leave until I got the lenses in and out of my eyes once.  I guess they've had people go home with the lenses in and not be able to get them out.  Good thing he made me sit there - that would have been me.  I could not get those suckers out.  I tried for 45 minutes.  My eyes were red and itchy and there were tears rolling down my face - from frustration and just plain old irritation of my eyes.  The lenses were my kryptonite!  They had defeated me - but I swore I would be back!!

Then we lost Max and contact lenses didn't seem so important anymore - especially since I never left the house (or my bed really...).

But, my eyesight got worse while pregnant with Mo and now Mo does something Max never did - which is to reach up his sticky little hands, which he warms in his mouth all day, and grab my glasses.  When I finally wrangle them out of his little grip, they are all shmutzed up.  I usually try to wipe them clean with my shirt, thus spreading the shmutz more evenly all over the lenses.

My nanny came to help me the day before my maternity leave ended.  Together, we went to the optometrist to face my demons.  After what I have been through in the last year, this contact lens thing should be a cake walk.  This time the practice round only took twenty minutes - twenty minutes of deep breathing, collecting my emotional strength, concentration.....and then - VICTORIOUS! - or so I thought.  I brought my new contacts home, so excited...and tried for the next two weeks to get them in my eyes without any luck.  I cannot get these things in or out of my eyes.  My eyes just glue themselves shut whenever they see my finger coming at them with that lens on the end.  It's kind of hard to fake out your eyes too - I mean, they literally see everything.  Ted says he started wearing his contacts in college - his motivation to get them in and out of his eyes was his interest in girls.  Good motivator.  Mine is Mo - You'd think it was just as good of a motivator, right?

Since Mo and I are getting out more, I can't keep going around with these squinty eyes.  But I won't be able to see anything through my shmutzy glasses.  What's a girl to do?  Like the Jerky Boys say - "My eyes is going crazy!!!!!"  Is it really too late to teach this old dog one new trick?