Enough

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Last night Ted and I had just sat down for dinner and a movie when we received some surprise visitors.  The Burbank Cops.  Three of them.  I guess someone really took my Princess Bride fantasy seriously.  They came over to make sure that I am not a danger to anyone.  They had been told that I had made some threats in my blog.  Really?  I asked the cop if she had looked at the blog.  She said she had.  I asked if she felt that I had made any threats.  She said that she did not believe that I had but that since they had been called, it was their duty to check it out.  Let me say this - I have had enough.  My husband has had enough.  If my asking questions and expressing my despair is too much for you to handle - STOP READING MY BLOG!!!!!!  I will likely be asking questions and feeling despair on some level for the rest of my life.  Telling the cops that you think I am a danger to anyone is nothing but malicious and frankly, a very self centered and terrible thing to do to grieving parents. You and I both know that I am not a dangerous person.  More than that, it is dishonor to my son's memory and I will not have it.  I am done.  Enough!

Last week was FILLED with so much negativity for me.  It compounds my grief when I feel so much anger and regret on top of the already debilitating grief.  Make no mistake about it though, anger is a very normal and common part of grieving.  I am just not afraid to talk about my anger.  My therapist (also known as my "spiritual advisor") thinks that it is very important that I have a few positive weeks.  Obviously by "positive", she means relatively speaking.  So, I am going to work very hard for the next few weeks to focus on those things that I can affect: keeping myself busy with work and healing activities, focusing on the Maxie Benefit coming up in only 22 days, relishing the support and love from all of you who are coming to the event and who have supported us in SO many other countless ways, reading good books, letting go of the things I cannot change and cherishing the time I had with Max.  I need to give my anger and frustration to god (I've never really known what that means but somehow I still like the idea of it).  What will be, will be.  Wish me luck.  This is going to take a lot of effort but I feel like I should be able to do anything for a couple of weeks, right?

The most important reason to find some positivity is for Max.  This song is a beautiful summation of how I feel about Max.  Have I mentioned that Stevie Wonder is my ABSOLUTE favorite?  I don't think I could love him more if he sang en Español.




15 comments:

Erika said...

Disgusting behavior, whoever did this. I am so sorry that the ugliest side of humanity continues to reveal itself to you and Ted and I just cannot understand how people end up so far removed from the sincerity of the heart. Your honesty must scare some people who probably long ago lost the ability to be honest with themselves and instead feel more comfortable sitting in judgment of others. I am so FIRED UP on your behalf and wish I could carry the burden of even just a small portion of your pain and anger for you.

It takes my breath away on a daily basis that your perfect Max is no longer here with you. It is beyond unfair. He is so loved and the events you have organized in his honor will be a beautiful tribute to his sweet soul. xxoo

Octavia FlyswithRobins said...

I am so sorry someone felt they should report you to the police as a "threat." People can be so cruel. I used to have a blog, but after a similar experience (writing about being mistreated during the police investigation that followed my son's SIDS death) I deleted it and decided to keep a journal instead. Just remember people delight in Schadenfreude and that Maxie is always with you.

Jessica said...

I cannot believe what I have just read. I am absolutely appalled that people keep kicking you guys when you are down. Seriously folks? Anyone who knows you even just a little bit knows that you would never hurt a fly. Anyone who knows you (and anyone who reads this blog and pays any level of attention) should know that you have no intention to hurt yourself either. I am SO very sorry that someone thought that calling the police was the appropriate course of action. Peeps, if you're really disturbed or worried about what you read, send Abby or Ted a personal message. Or, hey, here's an idea, pick up the phone, give them a call and check in and see if the issue at concern is just a pop culture reference to help people (who continually seem to not "get it") understand where they are at or if it's really a "threat".

I'm sorry to get "fired up" as well (thanks Erika!) but I just can't believe the things that people have said and done to you over the past seven months. I don't understand how anyone could want to do anything short of trying to take away some of your pain, anger and frustration...not add to it. I am sorry that, once again, you have to experience how awful people can be. And I am so sorry that lovely Maxie is not here with you and Teddy. I promise to help you guys honor his memory in any way I can for the rest of my days. xoxo

Rebecca Howard said...

Abby, I have a feeling I know who did that and SHAME.ON.THEM. But I have to admit, I actually chuckled a little when I read your entry. I mean, really? I love how there are people that watch your (that's the proverbial "your" because it happens to me, too) every move, just waiting for you to do something that will tick them off so that they can justify whatever feelings they are having. I loved your PRINCESS BRIDE entry.

Bianca said...

oh my goodness, it is horrendous that someone could twist and misconstrue your grief and honesty like that. I am horrified and so angry that a reader called the police. That is so cruel and lacking in humanity, wow. Plus, you were referencing the Princess Bride, a FANTASY movie, so again, wow.

I am sending lots of love to you and ted and sweet maxie, who in every way should be here toddling around and brightening the world.

maxiesmommy said...

Yes, I have a feeling as well. Somehow this person is the victim in their own mind, not my sweet boy, not my husband and I, not our families. It breaks my heart honestly. And the accusation or thought that I would ever intentionally do anything to anyone is so wild and crazy. I am looking for answers. This person is being mean spirited. I am in agreement with whoever said that all of us grieving parents need to move to a walled community together and shut out the pain. It is just too much to bear sometimes. Really. By the end of the night, Ted was just destroyed....made us even more unsure of everything and miss Max even more (if that is even possible).

Bryan Tobin said...

Cowardly and despicable. If the person who called the cops on you is reading this, I'd like to tell them to grow a backbone and confront you personally instead of hiding behind the police. I'm surprised they didn't try to sue you for scaring them or making them feel uncomfortable. (I apologize if I just gave them an idea.) Insensitive comments are not surprising but this is beyond comprehension. Were they hoping you'd get arrested? Were they trying to scare you? I just don't understand what their end goal was in acting like a spineless coward. Like you said, "If they don't like it, then don't read it."

maxiesmommy said...

Hopefully this is the end. We won't be in touch ever again. They won't read my blog and I will do my best to avoid them and put them out of my mind. I want to respect Maxie's memory and all of this Jerry Springer stuff is disrespectful to the loving, caring, sweet boy that he was.

Mari Kirsten said...

Abby - I was so shocked and angered to read your post! It goes beyond comprehension why someone would act in such a horrible and thoughtless way. There are times I just despair at people, but then I read about your wonderful friends who are helping you out during this time in so many ways and I know there is more good than bad out there. I hope you know how many people love you and think about you, even if you're not aware of it. I'm sending all my love and good thoughts to you, Ted and Maxie. hugs, hugs, hugs and kisses.

Daphnazina said...

Hey YOU! Reader who called in the police: here is what you need to know and understand: when someone is grieving for the loss of their child and write about it, you do not get the upper right or permission to add more pain and suffering to their most than difficult journey! You are not allowed nore have the power to distroy their lives more than it already is! On top of that you do it behind a screen or a phone! You stab in the back! 
Reader!!!!! This blog is not about YOU! YOU are not the subject of every entry! STOP thinking you are so important that Abigail Leviss would write about YOU!
Let me remind you that: it is about MAXIE! His life! His parents! SIDS! Abby's grief and her journey along this horrible road! 
You are not thanked for making her life even more hurtful than it already is. But you will be by never reading this blog again and by leaving her ALONE!!!!
And if you chose to keep on reading... Just try for once to put yourself into ABBY's shoes.... Just for one entry.... Try to feel her words and make them yours.... 
That's it.... Painfull hugh??? So stay the F*** away from her and let Maxie's memory be filled with tenderness and love!
Thank you!

Kathleen said...

I am also shocked and disgusted by the police calling and things some people have said to you about "moving on, getting over..." I was being kind when I previously wrote that there are emotionally limited/challenged people out there. If I reverse the judgement on them - I assess and conclude that they are ignorant, shallow, self-centered, detrimental...I do not want people like this in my close circle in life.

Writing is known to be a creative, healthy, beautiful way of releasing, healing and honoring...You seem to have the right perspective. Your therapist/spiritual advisor sounds like a great resource, and the loving, supportive, nonjudgmental, compassionate...family & friends too. The other ones are unworthy of attention, energy... I hope they really "move on..." and leave you, Ted and Maxie be.

Rebecca Howard said...

That is the best blog reply I have ever read.

AllyS said...

I just found your blog the other day, and you write from the deepest depths of your heart. Your experience was my worst nightmare when kids were little. I still worry about everything.

A few years ago a dear friend who was a Christian Scientist (didn't believe in medicine) died. It was SUCH a shock to me. But somehow what I realized after the somewhat strange reactions of her family, is that you can never ever ever judge someone else's grief. I encourage all the commenters here to support you. You are in shock and in the middle of a nightmare, and unkind words are so wrong.

Calling the police on a sweet mommy who lost her baby is ridiculous.

Joyce said...

I would not want the karma of the self-righteous b**ch who called the cops. 'Nuff said.

robyn said...

abs, i am in utter shock that this went down and i am so sorry that you had to deal with this BS. you are right, it is a disrespect to max and the you and ted who are grieving and just trying to work your way though this all.

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