He plays beside me

When I think of Max (all of the time), the same images come back to me over and over.  Little snippets of our life together.  I remember very clearly standing in my mom's kitchen, washing dishes one afternoon, while Maxie hung out nearby in his "office".  He was in a diaper and playing very contently on his own.  He kept looking up at me though, hoping to get my attention.  Whenever I turned around to look at him, a smile would spread across his face.  As I would turn back to the sink, I could see out of my peripheral vision that he would just go back to his "work".  Then I would look back and he would smile again.  I am not sure why this sticks with me.  I think it is so indicative of his personality.  He loved attention but didn't beg for it.  He was just as content to keep himself occupied.  He was so hard to ignore though.  His little face was too cute to turn away from too long.  My Max - I spend a lot of time wondering what he would be like today.  One year and four months.  I really don't have a clue.  Would he say Momma or Dadda?  Would he run so fast that I would be worn out trying to catch him?  Would he still be mellow and happy (I am sure he would be).  I'll be wondering all the rest of my days.  My love keeps growing for him.  I may not be looking at him but he is in my periphery and I can't ignore him for long.  I like to think he is still there, playing beside me.

1 comment

Tamar said...

I love the image of you washing dishes and Max playing in his "office." He was such a sweet, content little boy. I wonder what he'd be like now, as well. I wish we didn't have to wonder and that he was with you and Ted, where he belongs. xoxo