It's just too sad

Monday, February 4, 2013

I always find it somewhat "funny" when people tell me that they can't read my blog - because it is "too sad".  I am chronicling my life here.  And, yes, what happened to Max and us is very sad.  That's sort of the point, right?  My blog is a journal of my grief journey.  That is what it is - and it's sad.  So, friends and family tell me they can't read it because it is too sad.  I am not such a narcissist that I need everyone reading my blog anyway.  I believe most people I know do not read it.  That's fine.  But, then they just offer up the reason - that it is "too sad".  They are basically just telling me that they need to distance themselves from my grief.  So, what I hear is that they don't want to get too close to my "sad story".  I sort of get it - I mean, I don't really watch the local news because it is too distressing for me.  But - those people on the news are strangers - I distance myself from them because I can.  If you are in my life, and you are distancing yourself from my grief, you are distancing yourself from me.  I don't care if you read.  Maybe you aren't reading because you'd rather talk to me personally or because you feel like the blog is too impersonal or because you don't like reading blogs or because you are really too busy or you forget to check in.  But, instead, you are telling me that you cannot handle my story - my life - ME!!!  You cannot handle ME!  And if you cannot handle me, I think it's fair to say that this relationship ain't worth much.  I think it's fair to say - it's done. When friends get together and catch up - they tell each other what is going on in their lives.  THIS is what is going on in my life.  It's all right here.  What people are telling me over and over is that they don't want to hear my story - "It's too sad."  It's my life!!!  And guess what?  I don't get to take a break from it.  I don't have that luxury.  I don't expect you to read this (and you aren't....you've told me!) but I do expect that if you are in my life that you be open to hearing about it.  I listen to your updates - about work, your relationships, your children, your news.....  If my story is too sad, what the hell are we supposed to talk about?  I am almost 40 years old - I am kind of over having a whole bunch of superficial relationships with people.  I don't have time or space for people who aren't interested in actually knowing me.  When you tell me you can't read about my life because it is too sad - it is clear to me that you cannot really be in my life, and THAT is what is too sad.

5 comments:

Rebecca said...

People tell me that they don't read mine because it's "too much drama." That's okay. I don't call them because they're full of "too much bullshit."

GrahamForeverInMyHeart said...

Your blog is real, that's why it is sad (but also happy about Mo). Many people just don't want to face something as scary and depressing as losing a child and the accompanying grief. It is truly the worst thing that can ever happen to a parent.
Those of us in this horrible situation recognize the friends who really care about us; they are the only ones courageous enough to keep calling and showing up. Those who don't want to deal with the reality are not the people whom we need in our lives anymore. No one know better just how short life is, we don't need to waste time with superficial relationships.

myartofchaos said...

I agree with you Abby! It is so sad in many ways of why your close relationships are suddenly gone. They don't even ask how things are until they feel obligated. I just choose to focus 150% on the ones that do make an effort. A "weeding" process for sure!

Linds said...

Your blog is very sad and that is because you endured and are still suffering from the saddest tragedy a person could ever experience. I force myself to read it in solidarity to you, to perhaps take on one tiny shred of your sorrow and give you one tiny ounce of relief. I know all we control is gratitude for each day that we are privileged to live and share beautiful relationships and love. Sending you wishes for those moments.

Tiffany said...

i got that comment too. it infuriated me every time. this is our life. and what happened with our children is sad, but their lives were not at all sad. their lives were the best thing that ever happened to ours. and it's because of that, that we grieve so very hard.

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