The false me

It often feels like I am having an out of body experience....or like I am playing the part of myself in the movie of my life.  I go through a lot of motions without much connection to the role.  I say what I think is expected of me and I laugh in all of the right places but I am not engaged in the material.  I don't feel any of the emotions of the character I am playing.  The authentic me is in hiding most of the time.  When she comes out, it can be like an explosion that I cannot contain.  It is full of sorrow and despair and fury and so I mostly stuff her away where nobody, not even me, can see her.  I expose her every so often, angering or scaring those who see her....even myself.  Most likely, you are engaging with the shadow me, the false me, the surface me....and I guess that is just fine.

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