11.11.11

You must know by now that we are into numbers.  According to some of the more spiritual people I have gotten to know lately, today is perfect day in time to manifest all of your desires.  The thing is, the only thing I want, I cannot manifest.  It is impossible.  The only thing I want is Max.  I have been thinking so much about wanting.  Everyone wants to have a better job.  We want to have a nicer house, one with a swimming pool.  We want nicer clothes.  We want more money for sure.  We want, we want, we want.  Some people have so much and yet they still want.  If nothing else, I have learned this - nothing matters at all except the health and happiness of the ones we love.  I do not live in a big house (it is cute and suits us well).  I do not have fancy clothes (STILL rocking my maternity hand me downs and my pre-maternity gear wasn't much better).  We do not have a lot of money.  We were happy because we had each other and Max and loving family and friends.  That is all you need.  If you can't afford the house you are living in, sell it and move into a nice apartment with your healthy family.  It isn't the end of the world.  It isn't even about falling in love and having children...although that is an added layer of loveliness.  It is about loving who you have in the moment because they may not be here tomorrow.  Being in the moment is so important and one thing that I do not regret is that I was always in the moment when I was with Max.  I am sure it had a lot to do with being a working mom and cherishing every minute that I had with him.  But, I never felt the need to busy myself with anything other than being with Max and I am so grateful for that.  I know, I know.  I am a walking cliche and kind of preachy too (really, what happened to old Abby) but all of the material stuff in the world is so meaningless AND, the wealthiest people I know are some of the most unhappy, grumpiest people I know as well (I am sure they know it too).  What we have lost was THE most important thing in our lives. There is nothing I could wish for that would make any kind of difference at all. If I stumbled upon that genie who would grant me my greatest desire, I would have nothing to ask for, unless he could bring back the dead.  I am down in the dumps. I've been having a hard time reconnecting to Maxie's spirit since we returned to LA. Missing Maxie today as every day. Maxie Moo, where are you?