Marathon

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I have been thinking a lot lately about the significance of Beth's marathon run today.  What strikes me the most is that a marathon is a perfect metaphor of our post-Max life.  I am told that runners have to just put one foot in front of the other, to keep running without thinking about the number of miles that are ahead, because if they do, they will psych themselves out and lose their momentum and motivation.  I used to be a distance swimmer so I know that is how I approached my races.  I would just come up with a few songs and sing them in my head while I watched the number count that would get stuck in the water by a volunteer at the end of each lap I swam.  If I started thinking how many laps I had left, my legs would cramp and I would choke.  Whenever I think about the cruelty of Ted and I having to live the rest of our lives without Max, my heart cramps...I am paralyzed.  Life is a marathon though ours has no end in sight that we can determine.  We have to just keep running.

I am so proud to be in NY to watch Beth run.  I am so proud that she is my sister-in-law.  She has been training her heart out AND having to field weekly (if not more) calls from me, crying to her that I cannot go on.  She has talked me off the ledge countless times these past months.  Being in NY is so hard.  I love New York but even when I am on the very top of my game, Manhattan intimidates the daylights out of me.  Let's face it, I am not on the top of my game.  I have no game.  Still, being here is exactly where we need to be today, even though the reason for us all being here is the very worst thing I could have ever imagined.  I often feel like Ted and I don't have a family anymore without Max, however, it is on days like today that I realize that we have a very beautiful and large family and extended family.  In memory of Maxie - we thank you Auntie Beth for your run today and we wish you the best of luck!

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